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Train

2 blondes walk into the forest and stop at some tracks one of the blondes say those are bear tracks the other blonde says no those r dear tracks 1/2 hour later they were both killed by a train

by (few years ago!) / 4668 views
(Rated 3 Stars - 2 votes)
 

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Wedding Jokes and Quotes

Here are some pretty good jokes about nuptials, weddings, tying the knot. You get the idea

by (few years ago!)
jokes about dumb blondes, blonde jokes

A young blonde was on vacation in the depths of Louisiana. She wanted a pair of genuine alligator shoes in the worst way, but was very reluctant to pay the high prices the local vendors were asking. After becoming very frustrated with the "no haggle" attitude of one of the shopkeepers, the blonde shouted, "Maybe I'll just go out and catch my own alligator so I can get a pair of shoes at a reasonable price!"

The shopkeeper said, "By all means, be my guest. Maybe you'll luck out and catch yourself a big one!"

Determined, the blonde turned and headed for the swamps, set on catching herself an alligator.

Later in the day, the shopkeeper was driving home, when he spotted the young woman standing waist deep in the water, shotgun in hand. Just then, he saw a huge 9-foot alligator swimming quickly toward her. She took aim, killed the creature, and with a great deal of effort hauled it on to the swamp bank. Lying nearby were several more of the dead creatures.

The shopkeeper watched in amazement. Just then, the blonde flipped the alligator on its back, and frustrated, shouts out, "Darnit, this one isn't wearing any shoes either!"

by (few years ago!)
Jenna Bush Wedding Jokes

"That was so sweet, because at the reception, President Bush danced with his lovely daughter. It's the first time he has led in eight years." --David Letterman

"Beautiful wedding down there in Crawford, Texas. They had a great time. And everybody enjoyed a lovely reception. And Bush danced with all the guests. And then Cheney shot the cake." --David Letterman

"Jenna Bush is getting married over the weekend. But she did not sign a prenup. Apparently, the family doesn’t believe in exit strategies." --Craig Ferguson

"Jenna Bush is getting married tomorrow in Crawford, Texas. And Vice President Dick Cheney will be there, so it's going to be a shotgun wedding."

by (few years ago!)
The amazing flying dog

A woman is out looking for a pet, and so she's trying the local pet shops. She walks into a small pet shop and explains her need to the attendant. He thinks for a moment and then says, "I've got just the thing for you madam. I'll just get him."

With that, he disappears into the back of the shop, and returns a few seconds later with a cute little puppy. "This dog is a special dog," he tells her. "It is able to fly," he explains, and with that throws the dog into the air. It immediately begins to float gracefully around the shop.

"There is one problem with him, however. Whenever you say 'my', he'll eat whatever you've mentioned. Watch. "My apple!" The lady watches in astonishment as the dog zooms over to the shop attendant and furiously devours an apple he has produced from his pocket.

"He's cute, and so unusual. I'll take him," she says, and a few minutes later she is on her way back home with dog to show her husband.

"Darling, look what a clever pet I bought today!" she exclaims when she gets back home. "He can fly!"

The husband peers at the dog, and then remarks, "Fly eh? Ha! My foot!"

by (few years ago!)
Dog jokes

How many seasons are there in a dogs life ?Just one, the moulting season !

by (few years ago!)
Computer jokes

Whats another name for the "Intel Inside" sticker they put on Pentiums? A: The warning label

by (few years ago!)
Lawyer jokes

How many lawyers does it take to change a lightbulb?None, theyd rather keep their clients in the dark.

by (few years ago!)
Blonde jokes

How did the blonde die ice-fishing?A. She was run over by the zambonis machine.

by (few years ago!)
Business jokes

INTERVIEWER to job applicant: "Do you think you could come up with any reason you want this job other than your parents want you out of their house?"

by (few years ago!)
Sports jokes

"What Women Want:
To be loved, to be listened to,
to be desired, to be respected,
to be needed, to be trusted,
and sometimes, just to be held.

What Men Want:
Tickets for the World Series."

- Dave Barry

by (few years ago!)
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