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Train

2 blondes walk into the forest and stop at some tracks one of the blondes say those are bear tracks the other blonde says no those r dear tracks 1/2 hour later they were both killed by a train

by (few years ago!) / 5031 views
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Similar Jokes

GOD TAKES A HOLIDAY


God is tired, worn out. So he speaks to St. Peter, "You know, I need a vacation. Got any suggestions where I should go?"

St. Peter, thinking, nods his head, then says, "How about Jupiter? It's nice and warm there this time of the year."

God shakes His head before saying, "No. Too much gravity. You know how that hurts my back."

"Hmmm," St. Peter reflects. "Well, how about Mercury?"

"No way!" God mutters, "It's way too hot for me there!"

"I've got it," St. Peter says, his face lighting up. "How about going Down to Earth for your vacation?"

Chuckling, God remarks, "Are you kidding? Two thousand years ago I went there, had an affair with some nice Jewish girl, and they're STILL talking about it!"

by (few years ago!)
Blonde jokes

A blonde is walking down the street with her blouse open, exposing one of her breasts.A nearby policeman approaches her and remarks, "Maam, are you aware that I could cite you for indecent exposur Why, officer asks the blonde."Because your blouse is open and your breast is exposed Oh my goodness,exclaims the blonde, "I left my baby on the busy

by (few years ago!)
Blonde jokes

What was the last thing a blonde heard before dying of old age?A: "Today children, we will learn our ABCs"

by (few years ago!)
Marriage jokes

What is the one thing that all men at singles bars have in common?Theyre married.

by (few years ago!)
Small Service

A husband and wife attend a small service at the local church one Sunday morning. The man was very moved by the preacher's sermon, so he stopped to shake the preacher's hand. Reverend, that was the best damn sermon I ever did hear!"

The Reverend replied, "Oh! Why, thank you sir, but please, I'd appreciate it if you didn't use profanity in the Lord's house."

"I'm sorry Reverend, but I can't help myself... it was such a damn good sermon!"

The Reverend replied, "Sir, please, I cannot have you behaving this way in Church!"

"Okay Reverend, but I just wanted you to know that I thought it was so damn good, that I put $5,000 in the collection plate."

The Reverend's eyes opened wide as he remarked, "No Shit!"

by (few years ago!)
Blonde jokes

How do blondes pierce their ears?A: They put tacks in their shoulder pads.

by (few years ago!)
School jokes

What do history teachers make when they want to get together?Dates!

by (few years ago!)
Blonde jokes

What do you call blonde twins doing bubble gum commercials?A: Double-dumb.

by (few years ago!)
A cat goes to Heaven

A cat dies and goes to Heaven. God meets him at the gate and says, Youve been a good cat all of these years. Anything you desire is yours, all you have to do is ask.

The cats says, Well, I lived all my life with a poor family on a farm and had to sleep on hardwood floors. God says, Say no more. And instantly, a fluffy pillow appears. A few days later, 6 mice are killed in a tragic accident and they go to Heaven. God meets them at the gate with the same offer that He made the cat.

The mice said, All our lives weve had to run. Weve been chased by cats, dogs and even women with brooms. If we could only have a pair of roller skates, we wouldnt have to run anymore. God says, Say no more. And instantly, each mouse is fitted with a beautiful pair of tiny roller skates.

About a week later, God decides to check and see how the cat is doing. The cat is sound asleep on his new pillow. God gently wakes him and asks,

How are you doing? Are you happy here?

The cat yawns and stretches and says, Oh, Ive never been happier in my life. And those Meals on Wheels youve been sending over are the best!

by (few years ago!)
School jokes

A college business professor could not help but notice that one of his students was late to class for the third time that week. Before class ended he went around the room asking students some questions about the days lecture. Of course, he made sure to pick on his tardy pupil. "And who was it that developed the theories behind communism?" the professor asked."I dont know," the student said."Perhaps if you came to class on time, Mr. Reebs, you would know," said the professor."Thats not true," the student replied. "I never pay attention anyway!"

by (few years ago!)
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