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Blonde jokes

Did you hear why they closed the Seattle Kingdom While the crowd was doing the wave two blondes drowned

by (few years ago!) / 4503 views
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Not So Tough

A nun in full black habit is walking past a bar when a drunk stumbles out, sees her, and punches her square in the nose. Before she can scream, he lands a sloppy one-two and an uppercut. When she goes down, he starts kicking her with his scuffed business shoes. As a crowd gathers, the drunk stops, staggers back, and slurs, "You're not so tough, Batman!"

by (few years ago!)
Men jokes

Why do men like smart women?A. Opposites attract.

by (few years ago!)
I Don't Want To Go To School

Early one morning, a mother went in to wake up her son.

"Wake up, son. It's time to go to school!"

"But why, Mom? I don't want to go."

"Give me two reasons why you don't want to go."

"Well, the kids hate me for one, and the teachers hate me also!"

"Oh, that's no reason not to go to school. Come on now and get ready."

"Give me two reasons why I should go to school."

"Well, for one, you're 52 years old. And for another, you're the PRINCIPAL!"

by (few years ago!)
Blonde's Vengeance

A blonde suspects her boyfriend of cheating on her, so she goes out and buys a gun.

She goes to his apartment unexpectedly and when she opens the door, she finds him in the arms of a redhead.

Well, the blonde is really angry. She opens her purse to take out the gun, and as she does so, she is overcome with grief. She takes the gun and puts it to her head. The boyfriend yells, "No, honey, don't do it!"

The blonde replies, "Shut up, you're next!"

by (few years ago!)
Marriage jokes

"I was in a very generous mood today," a woman says to her friend."I gave a poor beggar $25.""Thats a lot of money to give away," says her friend. "What did your husband say?""He said, Thank you. "

by (few years ago!)
Bar jokes

Two Swedish guys get off a ship and head for the nearest bar at the pier.

Each one orders two whiskeys and immediately downs them. They then order two more whiskeys apiece, and quickly throw them back. They then order another two whiskeys apiece.

One of the men picks up one of his drinks, and turning to the other man, says, "Skoal!"

by (few years ago!)
Blonde jokes

What goes VROOM, SCREECH,VROOM, SCREECH,VROOM, SCREECH?A: A blonde going through a flashing red light.

by (few years ago!)
ORDERING DINNER


Bill and Hillary are at a restaurant. The waiter tells them tonight's special is chicken almondine and fresh fish.

"The chicken sounds good, I'll have that," Hillary says.

The waiter nods: "And the vegetable?" he asks.

"Oh, HE'll have the fish," Hillary replies.

by (few years ago!)
THREE BASSKETBALL FANS


Three baseball fans leave the stadium after a game and come across a dead, naked woman lying in the middle of the street. After they call the cops, they each take off their baseball caps and place them on the dead woman out of respect and to cover her private parts until the cops arrive.

The first fan places his Boston Red Sox cap over her left breast, the second places his Phillies cap on her right breast and the third fan places his Yankees cap on her pubic area.

The cops finally arrive, and the officers take statements from the fans to find out what happened. After explaining that they found her naked and covered her up with their caps, the cop went over to examine the body.

He briefly lifted the Red Sox cap, and quickly replaced it; then he lifted the Phillies cap, and also quickly replaced it.

However, when he lifted the Yankees cap, he stared and stared for what seemed to be two or three minutes. Finally, he let the cap drop, walked away, wrote in his notebook, then returned and lifted the Yankees cap once again and stared for a long time.

As he was walking away the second time, the fans were curious and stopped him and asked him why he spent so much time looking at the woman's genitalia, and he said, "It's the first time I've seen anything but an asshole under a Yankees cap."

by (few years ago!)
Somebody Important

A big corporation recently hired several cannibals. "You are all part of our team now," said the HR rep during the welcoming briefing. "You get all the usual benefits and you can go to the cafeteria for something to eat, but please don't eat any of the other employees." The cannibals promised they would not. 4 weeks later their boss remarked, "You're all working very hard, and I'm quite satisfied with you. However, one of our Secretaries has disappeared. Do any of you know what happened to her?" The cannibals all shook their heads no. After the boss had left, the leader of the cannibals asked the Others, "Which one of you idiots ate the secretary?" A hand raised hesitantly, to which the leader of the cannibals continued, "You fool...! For 4 weeks we've been eating supervisors and no one noticed anything, but noooooo, you had to go and eat someone important!

by (few years ago!)
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