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Did you hear why they closed the Seattle Kingdom While the crowd was doing the wave two blondes drowned

by (few years ago!) / 4725 views
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School jokes

A little kids in school, taking a true-false test and hes flipping a coin. At the end of the test hes flipping the coin again. The teacher says, "What are you doing?" He says, "Checking my answers."

by (few years ago!)
Misc Jokes

One of the funniest "most-embarrassing-moment" stories I've come upon in a long time was about a lady who picked up several items at a discount store. When she finally got up to the checker, she learned that one of her items had no price tag.

Imagine her embarrassment when the checker got on the intercom and boomed out for all the store to hear: "Price check on lane thirteen: Tampax, supersize."

That was bad enough, but somebody at the rear of the store apparently misunderstood the word "Tampax" for "thumbtacks." In a business-like tone, a voice boomed back over the intercom: "Do you want the kind you push in with your thumb, or the kind you pound in with a hammer?"

by (few years ago!)
A ROOM FOR THE NIGHT


A lawyer and two friends, a Rabbi and a Hindu holy man, had car trouble in the countryside and asked to spend the night with a farmer. The farmer said "There might be a problem; you see, I only have room for two to sleep, so one of you must sleep in the barn."

"No problem," said the Rabbi, "My people wandered in the desert for forty years, I am humble enough to sleep in the barn for an evening." With that he departed to the barn and the others bedded down for the night. Moments later a knock was heard at the door; the farmer opened the door, there stood the Rabbi from the barn.

"What's wrong?" asked the farmer.

He replied, "I am grateful to you , but I can't sleep in the barn. There is a pig in the barn and my faith believes that is an unclean animal." His Hindu friend agrees to swap places with him. But a few minutes late the same scene reoccurs. There is a knock on the door,

"What's wrong, now?" the farmer asks.

The Hindu holy man replies, "I too am grateful for your helping us out but there is a cow in the barn and in my country cows are considered sacred. I can't sleep on holy ground!"

Well, that leaves only the lawyer to make the change. He grumbled and complained, but went out to the barn.

Moments later there was another knock on the farmers door. Frustrated and tired, the farmer opens the door, and there stood the pig and the cow.

by (few years ago!)
SO CORNY IT HURTS!

A guy walks into a bar and approaches the barman, "Can I have a pint of Less, please?"

"I'm sorry sir," the barman replies, looking slightly puzzled, "I've not come across that one before. Is it a spirit?"

"I've no idea," replies the guy, "The thing is, I went to see my doctor last week and he told me that I should drink less."

by (few years ago!)
THE MAGICAL DANCING DUCK

A circus owner walked into a bar to see everyone crowded about a table watching a little show. On the table was an upside down pot and a duck tap dancing on it. The circus owner was so impressed that he offered to buy the duck from its owner. After some negotiations, they settled on a figure of $10,000 for the duck and the pot.

Three days later the circus owner runs back to the bar in anger, "Your duck is a rip off! I put him on the pot before a whole audience, and he didn't dance a single step!"

"So?" asked the ducks former owner, "did you remember to light the candle under the pot?"

by (few years ago!)
Business jokes

A businessman dragged himself home and barely made it to his chair before he dropped exhausted.
His sympathetic wife was right there with a tall cool drink and a comforting word. "My, you look tired," she said. "You must have had a hard day today. What happened to make you so exhausted?"
"It was terrible," her husband said. "The computer broke down and all of us had to do our own thinking."-

by (few years ago!)
Blonde jokes

A blonde, a brunette and a redhead are stuck on an island.One day, the three of them are walking along the beach and discover a magic lamp. They rub and rub, and sure enough, out pops a genie.The genie says, "Since I can only grant three wishes, you may each have one."The brunette says, "Ive been stuck here for years. I miss my family, my husband, and my life. I just want to go home."POOF! The brunette gets her wish and she is returned to her family.Then, the red head says, "Ive been stuck here for years as well. I miss my family, my husband, and my life. I wish I could go home too."POOF! The redhead gets her wish and she is returned to her family.The blonde starts crying uncontrollably.The genie asks, "My dear, whats the matter The blonde whimpers, "I wish my friends were still here

by (few years ago!)
kid jokes

A mother was preparing pancakes for her sons, Kevin, 5, Ryan, 3.
The boys began to argue over who would get the first pancake.
Mom saw the opportunity for a moral lesson.

"If Jesus were sitting here, He would say, "Let my brother have the first pancake. I can wait."

Kevin turned to his younger brother and said, "Ryan, you can have the first chance being Jesus!"

by (few years ago!)
Dog jokes

Why did the poor dog chase his own tail ?He was trying to make both ends meet !

by (few years ago!)
Blonde jokes

What is the blondes chronic speech impediment?A: She cant say "No".

by (few years ago!)
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