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Blonde jokes

A friend meets up with her friend as she is picking her car up from the mechanic.Her friend asks, "Everything ok with your car now?"The blonde replies Yes, thank goodness. I was worried that my mechanic might try to rip me off, so I was relieved when he told me all I needed was blinker fluid

by (few years ago!) / 4968 views
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Similar Jokes

Want me to paint for you?

A blonde was recently fired from an M&M factory for throwing away Ws and peeling the shells on the candies. Therefore, she needed a new job to support herself. After going around town asking if anyone needed work done, she found a man who needed a painter.

"I'm here for the paint job," she said.

"Alright," said the man. "Here is the paint and your brush. I want you to paint my porch behind the house."

The blonde immediately went to work painting. Within an hour, she was done and decided to put on a second coating.

After she finished, she returned to the man for her pay. She said with satisfaction, "I not only completed the job, but I even put on two coats of paint! By the way, that isn't a porsche out back. It's a new BMW.

by (few years ago!)
Jokes & Funny Stories About Blondes - 6

How do you make a blonde laugh on Saturday night?
Tell her a joke on thursday...

by (few years ago!)
Jokes & Funny Stories About Blondes - 2

Why shouldn't blondes be given a coffee break?
It takes too long to retrain them.

by (few years ago!)
Marriage jokes

"Honey," said this husband to his wife, "I invited a friend home for supper." "What? Are you crazy? The house is a mess, I didnt go shopping, all the dishes are dirty, and I dont feel like cooking fancy meal!" "I know all that." "Then why did you invite a friend for supper?" "Because the poor fools thinking about getting married."

by (few years ago!)
Animal jokes

Mr. Marlow was strolling through the country when he saw a stable with the most beautiful horse he ever laid eyes on. It was seventeen hands high and white, with rippling muscles and a fine, flowing mane. Mr. Marlow struck a deal to buy it from the owner who did, however, pass on one key piece of information.
"We are a religious family, Mr.Marlow, and we've instilled those values in our horse. To get him to gallop you must say 'Thanks God' to get him to stop you must say 'Our Father Who Art in Heaven,"
Settling into the saddle, Marlow said " Thanks God," and the animal took off. They rode for miles; suddenly they were coming up to a cliff. Unfortunately, Marlow couldn't remember the phrase to make the animal stop and tried every Biblical passage he could think of until, just a few feet from the edge of the cliff, he shouted, " Our Father Who Art in Heaven! The animal stopped instantly. Shaking and perspiring, Marlow reached into his pocket and pulled out a handkerchief. "Thanks God," he said as he mopped his brow...

by (few years ago!)
Animal jokes

So one day, Gramma sent her grandson Johnny down to the water hole to get some water for cooking dinner. As he was dipping the bucket in, he saw two big eyes looking back at him. He dropped the bucket and hightailed it for
Gramma's kitchen. "Well now, where's my bucket and where's my water?" Gramma asked him. "I can't get any water from that water hole, Gramma" exclaimed Johnny. "There's a BIG ol' alligator down there!"
"Now don't you mind that ol' alligator, Johnny. He's been there for a few years now, and he's never hurt no one. Why, he's probably as scared of you as you are of him!" "Well, Gramma," replied Johnny, "if he's as scared of me as I am of him, then that water ain't fit to drink!"

by (few years ago!)
Blonde jokes

Why do blondes put rulers on their foreheads?A: They want to measure their intelligence

by (few years ago!)
Dog jokes

Why did the dog cross the road A Because it was the chickens day off

by (few years ago!)
Yo mama's so stupid...

Yo' mama so stupid, she filled out a job application and where it said, "Don't Write Below This Line," she wrote "Okay!"

by (few years ago!)
FRIVILOUS LAW SUITS BY US JAILBIRDS

A Virginia inmate tried to sue himself for $5 million on the grounds that he had gotten drunk and caused himself to violate his religious beliefs by committing a crime. Because he had no money, he wanted the state to pay the $5 million.

* * *

A San Quentin death row inmate sued California, claiming his civil rights were violated because his packages were sent via UPS rather than the U.S. Postal Service.

* * *

An Oklahoma inmate alleged his religious freedoms were violated but could not say just how, because the main tenet of his faith was that all its practices were secret.

* * *

A Nevada inmate sued when he ordered two jars of chunky peanut butter at the Nevada State Prison canteen and received one chunky and one creamy.

* * *

An Ohio inmate sued for being denied possession of soap on a rope.

* * *

A convicted New York rapist sued the state, claiming he lost sleep and suffered headaches and chest pains after being given a "defective haircut" by an unqualified barber.

* * *

An Oklahoma inmate sued because he was forced to listen to country music.

* * *

An Arizona inmate sued when he was not invited to a pizza party that prison employees held for a guard leaving his job.

* * *

A Colorado con sued for early release because "everyone knows a con only serves about three years of a 10-year sentence."

* * *

An Indiana prisoner sued because he wanted to obtain Regain for his baldness.

by (few years ago!)
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