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Blonde jokes

A man works in the operations department of a large bank Employees call him from the field when they have problems with their computers. One night a blonde woman from a branch bank called him and said Ive got smoke coming from the back of my computer terminal. Do you guys have a fire downtown

by (few years ago!) / 5688 views
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Business jokes

A motorist, driving by a Texas ranch, hit and killed a calf that was crossing the road. The driver went to the owner of the calf and explained what had happened. He then asked what the animal was worth. "Oh, about $200 today," said the rancher. "But in six years it would have been worth $900. So $900 is what Im out." The motorist sat down and wrote out a check and handed it to the farmer. "Here," he said, "is the check for $900. Its postdated six years from now."

by (few years ago!)
Religious jokes

A priest and a nun are on their way back home from a trip when their car breaks down. They are unable to get it fixed, so they decide to spend the night in a hotel. The only hotel in the town has only one room available. Priest: Sister, I dont think the Lord would have a problem, under the circumstances, if we spent the night together in this one room. Ill sleep on the lounge and you have the bed. Nun: I think that would be okay. They prepare for bed and each one takes their agreed place in the room. Ten minutes later... Nun: Father, Im terribly cold. Priest: Okay, Ill get you a blanket. (He does) Ten minutes later...Nun: Father, Im still terribly cold. Priest: Okay Sister, Ill get you another blanket. (He does) Ten minutes later... Nun: Father, Im still terribly cold. I dont think the Lord would mind if we acted as man and wif e just for this one night.Priest: Youre probably right...get up and get your own blanket.

by (few years ago!)
Lawyer jokes

In a murder trial, the defense attorney was cross-examining a pathologist. Here is what happened:

Attorney: "Before you signed the death certificate, had you taken the pulse?"

Coroner: "No."

Attorney: "Did you listen to the heart?"

Coroner: "No."

Attorney: "Did you check for breathing?"

Coroner: "No."

Attorney: "So, when you signed the death certificate, you weren't sure the man was dead, were you?"

Coroner: "Well, let me put it this way. The man's brain was sitting in a jar on my desk. But I guess it is possible that he could be out there practicing law somewhere."

by (few years ago!)
THE SPEEDY SNAIL

There was once a snail who was sick and tired of his reputation for being so slow. He decided to get some fast wheels to make up the difference.

After shopping around a while, he decided that the Datson 240-Z was the car to get. So the snail goes to the nearest Datsun dealer and says he wants to buy the 240-Z, but he wants it repainted "240-S".

The dealer asks, "Why 'S'?"

The snail replies, "'S' stands for snail. I want everybody who sees me roaring past to know who's driving."

Well, the dealer doesn't want to lose the unique opportunity to sell a car to a snail, so he agrees to have the car repainted for a small fee.

The snail gets his new car and spent the rest of his days roaring happily down the highway at top speed. And whenever anyone would see him zooming by, they'd say "Wow! Look at that S-car go!

by (few years ago!)
Dog jokes

What do you call a nutty dog in Australia ?A dingo-ling !

by (few years ago!)
Business jokes

Two neighbors were talking about work, when one asked, "Say, why did the foreman fire you?"Replied the second, "Well, you know how a foreman is always standing around and watching others do the work. My foreman got jealous. People started thinking I was the foreman."

by (few years ago!)
Jokes And Funny Stories About Education

Teacher: Billy, why have you not given me your homework?
Billy: I made it into a paper aeroplane and someone hijacked it.

by (few years ago!)
Final Day

It was George the Mailman's last day on the job after 35 years of carrying the
mail through all kinds of weather to the same neighborhood. When he arrived at
the first house on his route he was greeted by the whole family there, who
roundly and soundly congratulated him and sent him on his way with a tidy gift
envelope. At the second house they presented him with a box of fine cigars. The
folks at the third house handed him a selection of terrific fishing lures. At
the fourth house he was met at the door by a strikingly beautiful woman in a
revealing negligee. She took him by the hand, gently led him through the door
(which she closed behind him), and led him up the stairs to the bedroom where
she blew his mind with the most passionate love he had ever experienced. When he
had had enough they went downstairs, where she fixed him a giant breakfast:
eggs, potatoes, ham, sausage, blueberry waffles, and fresh-squeezed orange
juice. When he was truly satisfied she poured him a cup of steaming coffee. As
she was pouring, he noticed a dollar bill sticking out from under the cup's
bottom edge. "All this was just too wonderful for words," he said, "but what's
the dollar for?" "Well," she said, "last night, I told my husband that today
would be your last day, and that we should do something special for you. I asked
him what to give you. He said, 'SCREW him. Give him a dollar.' The breakfast was
my idea."

by (few years ago!)
Final Countdown

A man hasn't been feeling well, so he goes to his doctor for a complete checkup. Afterward, the doctor comes out with the results.
"I'm afraid I have some very bad news," the doctor says. "You're dying, and you don't have much time left."

"Oh, that's terrible!" says the man. "Give it to me straight, Doc. How long have I got?"

"Ten," the doctor says sadly.

"Ten?" the man asks. "Ten what? Months? Weeks? What?"

"Nine..."

by (few years ago!)
Blonde jokes

A blonde and her husband were driving home, when they hit a rabit. They both got out of the car and stood over the poor creature.The blonde and her husband just stood their, when she said "Oh i know So she when in the car and rumaged through her purse and came out with what lookeda bottle. She poured it on the rabit and they bothgot in the car. Suddenly the rabit got up hopped alittle bit and waved, hopped a little and waved,hopped to the top of the hill and waved.Then dissapered over it.The husband just stared at his wife and said "Honey, what did you pour onthat rabit?"His wife just said "Hair Restorer with a permanent wave

by (few years ago!)
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