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Blonde jokes

A person went into the office kitchen one morning and found a new blonde girl painting the walls. She was wearing a new fur coat and a nice denim jacket.Thinking this was a little strange, he asked her why she was wearing them rather than old clothes or an overall.She showed him the instructions on the tin, "For best results, put on two coats

by (few years ago!) / 4754 views
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Men jokes

How do men exercise on the beach?A. By sucking in their stomachs every time they see a bikini.

by (few years ago!)
Getting into fights

A young couple drove several miles down a country road, not saying a word.

An earlier discussion had led to an argument, and neither wanted to concede their position.

As they passed a barnyard of mules and pigs, the husband sarcastically asked, "Are they relatives of yours?"

"Yes," his wife replied. "I married into the family."

by (few years ago!)
ABORT... RETRY...

(A)bort, (R)etry, (G)et a beer?

(A)bort, (R)etry, (I)gnore, (V)alium?

(A)bort, (R)etry, (I)nfluence with large hammer.

(A)bort, (R)etry, (P)ee in drive door

(A)bort, (R)etry, (S)elf-destruct?

(A)bort, (R)etry, (T)ake down entire network?

by (few years ago!)
THE OLDER GOLFER

"How was your golf game, dear?" asked Jack's wife Tracy.

"Well, I was hitting pretty well, but my eyesight's gotten so bad I couldn't see where the ball went."

"But you're seventy-five years old, Jack!" admonished his wife, "Why don't you take my brother Scott along?"

"But he's eighty-five and doesn't even play golf anymore," protested Jack.

"But he's got perfect eyesight. He could watch your ball," Tracy pointed out.

The next day Jack teed off with Scott looking on. Jack swung, and the ball disappeared down the middle of the fairway. "Do you see it?" asked Jack.

"Yup," Scott answered.

"Well, where is it?" yelled Jack, peering off into the distance.

"I forgot."

by (few years ago!)
Sports jokes

One sunny afternoon in 1999, Bill and Hillary Clinton were at a baseball game. Right as the game was getting ready to start, Bill stood up, picked up Hillary, and threw her out onto the baseball diamond.

When Bill Clinton sat down, his chief advisor leaned over to him and said, "You know, Bill, you may have misunderstood me. I said you that you get to throw out the first pitch."

by (few years ago!)
Bar jokes

A rather confident man walks into a bar and takes a seat next to a very attractive woman. He gives her a quick glance, then casually looks at his watch for a moment.

The woman notices this and asks, "Is your date running late?"

by (few years ago!)
Sport jokes

Golfer: "Caddy, do you think my game is improving?"Caddy: "Oh yes, sir! You miss the ball much closer than you used to

by (few years ago!)
Misc Jokes

The teacher said to young Freddie, "If there were three birds sitting on a wall, and the farmer shot one of them, how many would be left?"

"Well," said Freddie, "there would be none left because the sound of the farmer's gun would have frightened the others away."

"That's not the answer I was looking for, as we're doing subtraction today," said the teacher. But I like the way you're thinking!"

"I have a question for you Miss," said Freddie, the next day. "If three women were walking down the road, one licking an ice cream cone, one sucking an ice cream cone, and one biting an ice cream cone, which of the three was the married woman?"

"I think it would be the one sucking the

by (few years ago!)
THE PACKED LUNCH SUICIDES

An Irishman, a Mexican and a blond guy were doing construction work on scaffolding on the 20th floor of a building. They were eating lunch and the Irishman said, "Corned beef and cabbage! If I get corned beef and cabbage one more time for lunch I'm going to jump off this building"

The Mexican opened his lunch box and exclaimed, "Burritos again! If I get burritos one more time I'm going to jump off, too."

The blond opened his lunch and said, "Bologna again. If I get a bologna sandwich one more time I'm jumping too."

The next day the Irishman opened his lunch box, saw corned beef and cabbage and jumped to his death.

The Mexican opened his lunch, saw a burrito and jumped too.

The blond opened his lunch, saw the bologna and jumped to his death as well.

At the funeral the Irishman's wife was weeping. She said, "If I'd known how really tired he was of corned beef and cabbage I never would have given it to him again!"

The Mexican's wife also wept and said, "I could have given him tacos or enchiladas! I didn't realize he hated burritos so much.

"Everyone turned and stared at the blonde's wife.

"Hey, don't look at me," she said, "He makes his own lunch.-

by (few years ago!)
Blonde jokes

How does a blonde commit suicide A She gathers her clothes into a pile and jumps off.

by (few years ago!)
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