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Blonde jokes

A person went into the office kitchen one morning and found a new blonde girl painting the walls. She was wearing a new fur coat and a nice denim jacket.Thinking this was a little strange, he asked her why she was wearing them rather than old clothes or an overall.She showed him the instructions on the tin, "For best results, put on two coats

by (few years ago!) / 5924 views
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THE PERFECT SCAM


Australian Police have been unable to recommend a prosecution for the following scam:

A company takes out a newspaper advertisement claiming to be able to supply imported hard core pornographic videos. As their prices seem reasonable, people place orders and make payments via check.

After several weeks, the company writes back explaining that under the present law they are unable to supply the materials and do not wish to be prosecuted. So they return their customers' money in the form of a company check.

However, due to the name of the company, few people will present these checks to their banks.

The name of the company: "The Anal Sex and Fetish Perversion Company.

by (few years ago!)
Marriage jokes

The couple was dining out when the wife noticed a familiar face at the bar. "Elliot," she said, pointing "do you see that man downing bourbon at the bar?"The husband looked over and nodded. "Well," the woman continued, "hes been drinking like that for 10 years, ever since I jilted him!"The husband returned to his meal. "Nonsense," he said, "even thats not worth so much celebrating!"

by (few years ago!)
Marriage jokes

In the midst of a veritable downpour, a gallant driver sawa woman alone in the mud trying to change a flat tire, andcouldnt bear passing her by. He completed the job for her,and, soaked to the skin, exclaimed jovially, "There, littlelady, thats done!" "Quiet," she ordered him. "Youll wakeup my husband. Hes taking a nap in the back seat."

by (few years ago!)
Blonde jokes

A brunette walks into a bar and says, "Gimme an M L." The bartender says, "Whats an M L?" The brunette says, "A Miller Light." Another brunette walks in and says, "Gimme a B L" The bartender says, "Whats a B L?" She says, "Bud Light." A dumb blonde walks in and says, "Gimme a 15." The bartender says, "Whats a fifteen?" The blonde says, "7&7, duh!"

by (few years ago!)
Medical Jokes And Funny Stories

Last night I was going to kill myself by swallowing a handful of asprins - but after taking the first two I felt much better.

by (few years ago!)
School jokes

Teacher: I hope I didnt see you looking at Freds test paper.Pupil: I hope you didnt see me either!

by (few years ago!)
Zoo jokes

There was this truck driver who had to deliver 500 penguins to the state zoo. As he was driving his truck through the desert, his truck breaks down. After about 3 hours, he waves another truck down and offers the driver $500 to take these penguins to the state zoo for him.The next day the original truck driver arrives in town and sees the new truck driver crossing the road with 500 penguins walking in single file behind him.The original truck driver jumps out of his truck and asks, "Whats going on? I gave you $500 to take these penguins to the zoo!"The new truck driver responds, "I did take them to the zoo. And I had enough money left over so now were going to see a movie."

by (few years ago!)
Question and answer blonde jokes

Q: How do blonde braincells die?
A: Alone.

Q: How do you brainwash a blonde?
A: Give her a douche and shake her upside down.

Q: How do you change a blonde's mind?
A: Blow in her ear.

Q: How do you measure a blonde's intelligence?
A: Stick a tire pressure gauge in her ear!

Q: How does a blonde kill a fish?
A: She drowns it.

Q: A blond going to London on a plane, how can you steal her window seat?
A: Tell her the seats that are going to London are all in the middle row.

Q: How do you amuse a blonde for hours?
A: Write 'Please turn over' on both sides of a piece of paper

by (few years ago!)
IN THE BEGINNING...


In the beginning was the computer. And God said :Let there be light!

#You have not signed on yet.
:God.

#Enter user password.
:Omniscient.

#Password Incorrect. Try again!
:Omnipotent.

#Password Incorrect. Try again

by (few years ago!)
If you drop a snake and an attorney...

If you drop a snake and an attorney off the Empire State Building, which one hits first?

Who cares?

by (few years ago!)
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