Search Jokes
e.g. faraz, sardar, etc.

Blonde jokes

A person went into the office kitchen one morning and found a new blonde girl painting the walls. She was wearing a new fur coat and a nice denim jacket.Thinking this was a little strange, he asked her why she was wearing them rather than old clothes or an overall.She showed him the instructions on the tin, "For best results, put on two coats

by (few years ago!) / 4893 views
(Not Rated Yet)
 

Similar Jokes

A CARROT IN HIS EAR


A guy goes into the bar with a carrot in his ear. He orders a drink. The bar tender wants to mention the carrot but doesn't.

Next day the same guy with a carrot in his ear goes to the same bar and orders a drink. Again the bar tender wants to say something about the carrot but doesn't.

The 3rd day the same guy and the same carrot go to the bar and order a drink. As the bar tender serves the man he can't stand it any more. He says to the guy, "Hey Mack, you know you got a carrot in your ear?

The guy replies, "I can't hear you because I've got a carrot in my ear."

by (few years ago!)
10 commandments

The Ten Commandments display was recently removed from the Alabama Supreme
Court building. There was a good reason for the move. You can't post

Thou Shalt Not Steal,
Thou Shalt Not Commit Adultery,
and Thou Shall Not Lie

in a building full of lawyers and politicians without creating a hostile
work environment.

by (few years ago!)
THE SULTAN

The Sultan of Brunei was getting a bit cheesed off as he had 6 children, all girls, and therefore had no son and heir. Imagine his joy then,when one of his wives presented him with his only son and heir
Just before his son's sixth birthday, the Sultan took him to one side and said, "Son, I am very proud of you. Anything you want, I shall get for you."

His son replied, "Daddy, I would like an aeroplane." Not wanting to do anything by halves, his father bought him British Airways.

Just before his son's seventh birthday, the Sultan took him to one side. "Son, you are my pride and joy. Anything you want, I shall get for you."

His son replied, "Daddy, I would like a boat." Not wanting to do anything by halves, his father bought him P&O Ferries.Just before his son's eighth birthday, the Sultan took him to one side. "Son, you bring so much happiness into my life. Anything you want, I shall get for you His son replied Daddy, I would like something to watch films on." Not wanting to do anything by halves, his father bought him MGM Studios and their cinemas, where he watched all his favourite Western Movies.

Just before his son's ninth birthday, the Sultan took him to one side. "Son, you are an inspiration to us all. Anything you want, I shall get for you."

His son, who had caught the 'Western' movie bug, replied, "Daddy,I would like a cowboy outfit." Not wanting to do anything by halves, his father went and bought him Microsoft

by (few years ago!)
Marriage jokes

The man told his doctor that he wasnt able to do all the things around the house that he used to do. The doctor started a long and thorough examination, but finally found nothing wrong with the man. When the examination was complete, he said, "Now, Doc, I can take it. Tell me in plain English what is wrong with me." "Well, in plain English," the doctor replied, "youre just lazy." "Okay," said the man. "Now give me the medical term so I can tell my wife".

by (few years ago!)
Sports jokes

What do you call two nuns and a blonde together?
Two tight ends and a wide receiver.

What did the Los Angeles Police Department and the Green Bay Packers have in common?
Neither could catch a Bronco.

by (few years ago!)
office jokes

. Preserve thyself.

2. It is easier to fix the blame than to fix the problem.

3. A penny saved is an oversight.

4. Information deteriorates upward.

5. The first 90% of the task takes 90% of the time; the last 10% takes the other 90%.

6. Experience is what you get just after you need it.

7. For any given large, complex, hard-to-understand, expensive problem, there exists at least one short, simple, easy, cheap wrong answer.

8. Anything that can be changed will be, until time runs out.

9. To err is human; to shrug is civil service.

10. There's never enough time to do it right, but there's always enough time to do it over.

by (few years ago!)
Rules For Work

1. Never give me work in the morning.
Always wait until 4:00 and then bring it to me. The challenge of a deadline
is refreshing.
2. If it's really a rush job, run in and
interrupt me every 10 minutes to inquire how it's going. That helps. Or even
better, hover behind me, advising me at every keystroke.
3. Always leave without telling anyone
where you're going. It gives me a chance to be creative when someone asks where you
are.
4. If my arms are full of papers, boxes,
books, or supplies, don't open the door for me. I need to learn how to function as a
paraplegic and opening doors with no arms is good training in case I should ever be
injured and lose all use of my limbs.
5. If you give me more than one job to
do, don't tell me which is priority. I am psychic.
6. Do your best to keep me late. I
adore this office and really have nowhere to go or anything to do. I have no life
beyond work.
7. If a job I do pleases you, keep it a
secret. If that gets out, it could mean a promotion.
8. If you don't like my work, tell
everyone. I like my name to be popular in conversations. I was born to be
whipped.
9. If you have special instructions for
a job, don't write them down. In fact, save them until the job is almost done. No
use confusing me with useful information.
10. Never introduce me to the people
you're with. I have no right to know anything. In the corporate food chain, I
am plankton. When you refer to them later, my shrewd deductions will identify them.
11. Be nice to me only when the job I'm
doing for you could really change your life and send you straight to managers' hell.
12. Tell me all your little problems.
No one else has any and it's nice to know someone is less fortunate. I
especially like the story about having to pay so much taxes on the bonus check you
received for being such a good manager.
13. Wait until my yearly review and THEN
tell me what my goals SHOULD have been. Give me a mediocre performance rating
with a cost of living increase. I'm not here for the money anyway.

by (few years ago!)
Grizzly Bear Warning

The Alaska Department of Fish and Game recently issued this bulletin

Warning: In light of the rising frequency of human/grizzly bear conflicts, the Alaska Department of Fish and Game is advising hikers, hunters and fishermen to take extra precautions and keep alert of bears while in the field.
We advise outdoorsmen to wear noisy little bells on their clothing, so as not to startle bears that arent expecting them. We also advise outdoorsmen to carry pepper spray with them in case of an encounter with a bear.
It is also a good idea to watch out for fresh signs of bear activity. Outdoorsmen should recognize the difference between black bear and grizzly bear manure: Black bear manure is smaller and contains lots of berries and squirrel fur. Grizzly bear manure has little bells in it and smells like pepper.

by (few years ago!)
Dog jokes

What would you call a nine day old dog in Russia?A puppy.

by (few years ago!)
Bar jokes beer booze and fun

consumption of alcohol may lead you to believe that ex-lovers are really dying for you to telephone them at four in the morning.

by (few years ago!)
  • Page 1 of 1
  • 1

Most Viewed Jokes

Blonde jokes

Blonde jokes

Blonde jokes

QUOTES FROM EMPLOYEE APPRAIS..

EAGER TO IMPRESS THE BOSS

Blonde jokes

Blonde jokes

Blonde jokes

Train

Blonde jokes

ERROR - UNABLE TO LOAD CONTROL : /controls/members/members_facebook.ascxd:\websites\azdomains\lol101.com\wwwroot\controls\members\members_facebook.ascx(11): error CS0103: The name 'FacebookSettings' does not exist in the current context