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Blonde jokes

A person went into the office kitchen one morning and found a new blonde girl painting the walls. She was wearing a new fur coat and a nice denim jacket.Thinking this was a little strange, he asked her why she was wearing them rather than old clothes or an overall.She showed him the instructions on the tin, "For best results, put on two coats

by (few years ago!) / 5279 views
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THE ATTRACTIVE UNDER GRADUATE


One day, a very attractive under graduate visited the professor's office. The under graduate pulled the chair closer to the professor, smiled at him shyly, bumped his knee "accidentally", etc.

Finally, the undergraduate said, "Professor, I really need to pass your course. It is extremely important to me. It is so important that I'll do anything you suggest."

The professor, somewhat taken aback by this attention, replied, "Anything?"

To which the undergradute cooed, "Yes, anything you say."

After some brief reflection, the professor asked, "What are you doing tomorrow afternoon at 3:30?"

The student lied, "Oh, nothing at all, sir. I can be free then."

The professor then advised, "Excellent! Professor Palmer is holding a help session for his students. Why don't you attend that."

by (few years ago!)
FOOLING THE PROFESSOR

Two college seniors had a week of exams coming up. However, they decided to party instead. So, when they went to the test, they decided to tell the professor that their car had broken down the night before due to a very flat tyre and they needed a bit more time to study.

The professor told them that they could have another day to study. That evening, both of the boys crammed all night until they were sure that they knew just about everything.

Arriving to class the next morning, each boy was told to go to separate classrooms to take the exam. Each shrugged and went to two different parts of the building. As each sat down, they read the first question.

"For 5 points, explain the contents of an atom."

At this point, they both thought that this was going to be a piece of cake, and answered the question with ease.

Then, the test continued... "For 95 points, tell me which tyre it was."

by (few years ago!)
Difference between a lawyer and a terrorist?

What's the difference between a lawyer and a terrorist?

You can negotiate with a terrorist.

by (few years ago!)
Bar jokes beer booze and fun

A regular at Bobs Bar came in one evening sporting a matched pair of swollen black eyes that appeared extremely painful."Whoa, Sam!" said the bartender. "Who gave those beauties to you?""Nobody gave them to me," said Sam. "I had to fight like crazy for both of them."

by (few years ago!)
Disney Password

My kids love going to the Web, and they keep track of their passwords by writing them on Post-it notes.

I noticed their Disney password was "MickeyMinnieGoofyPluto," and asked why it was so long.

"Because," my son explained, "they say it has to have at least four characters."

by (few years ago!)
Dog jokes

I bought a dog the other day... I named him Stay Its fun to call him. Come here, Stay Come here Stay He went insane. Now he just ignores me and keeps typing Hes an East German Shepherd.

by (few years ago!)
Men jokes

What do you call a woman who knows where her husband is every night?A. A widow.

by (few years ago!)
Political jokes

Late one night, a mugger wearing a ski mask jumped into the pathof a well-dressed man and stuck a gun in his ribs. "Give me yourmoney", he demanded. Indignant, the affluent man replied, "Hey, watch it - Im a UnitedStates Congressman!" "In that case," replied the mugger, "give me MY money."

by (few years ago!)
Religious jokes

Pat and Mike were walking down the street, when they came to the church, Pat says, Mike, you wait here, Im going to run in for confession, its been a long time.Pat enters the confessional and says, Father forgive me, I have sinned with a married woman.The priest asks, was it Mrs Murphy? no, Father, was the reply.Was it Mrs OBoyle? Again the reply was No, Father.Was it Mrs. OGrady? Pat said, Father, Ill not be teling you the ladys name!So the priest told him to say two Hail Marys for each time he had sinned with the woman.Back on the street, Mike said, Well, how did you do? Pat said, Just fine, I kept me mouth shut and got 3 new prospects!

by (few years ago!)
Dog jokes

What kind of computers do chihuahuas like best?Lap-top!

by (few years ago!)
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