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Blonde jokes

A person went into the office kitchen one morning and found a new blonde girl painting the walls. She was wearing a new fur coat and a nice denim jacket.Thinking this was a little strange, he asked her why she was wearing them rather than old clothes or an overall.She showed him the instructions on the tin, "For best results, put on two coats

by (few years ago!) / 6056 views
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Similar Jokes

Two IT Guys

Two IT guys were chatting in a pub after work. "Guess what, mate," says the first IT guy, "yesterday, I met this gorgeous blonde girl in a bar."

"What did you do?" says the other IT guy.

"Well, I invited her over to mine, we had a couple of drinks, we got into the mood and then she suddenly asked me to take all her clothes off."

"You're kidding me!" says the second IT guy.

"I took her miniskirt off, and then I lifted her and put her on my desk next to my new laptop."

"Really? You got a new laptop?"

by (few years ago!)
Blonde Jokes

Two bored casino dealers are waiting at the crap table. A very attractive blonde woman arrived and bet twenty thousand dollars ($20,000) on a single roll of the dice.

She said, "I hope you don't mind, but I feel much luckier when I'm completely nude. With that, she stripped from the neck down, rolled the dice and yelled, "Come on, baby, Mama needs new clothes!"

As the dice came to a stop she jumped up and down and squealed... "YES! YES! I WON, I WON!"

She hugged each of the dealers and then picked up her winnings and her clothes and quickly departed.

The dealers stared at each other dumfounded. Finally, one of them asked, "What did she roll?"

The other answered, "I don't know - I thought you were watching."

MORAL: Not all blondes are dumb, but all men are men.

by (few years ago!)
Fifty people swindled!

A newsboy was standing on the corner with a stack of papers, yelling, "Read all about it. Fifty people swindled! Fifty people swindled!"

Curious, a man walked over, bought a paper, and checked the front page. Finding nothing, the man said, "There's nothing in here about fifty people being swindled."

The newsboy ignored him and went on, calling out, "Read all about it. Fifty-one people swindled!"

by (few years ago!)
Computer jokes

What do you get when you cross a Pentium PC with a research grant? A: A mad scientist.

by (few years ago!)
The Last Two Gifts

Seems God was just about done creating the universe, but he had two extra things left in his bag of creations, so he decided to split them between Adam and Eve. He told the couple that one of the things he had to give away was the ability to stand up while urinating.

"It's a very handy thing," God told the couple, who he found under an apple tree. "I was wondering if either one of you wanted that ability."

Before God had a chance to explain any further, Adam jumped up and blurted, "Oh, give that to me! I'd love to, please, oh please, oh please, let me have that ability, It'd be so great! When I'm working in the garden or naming the animals. I could just stand there and let it fly. It'd be so cool, I could write my name in the sand. Oh please God, let it be me who you give that gift to, let me stand and pee, oh please..." Adam went on and on like an excited little boy who had to pee.

Eve just smiled and told God that if Adam really wanted that so badly, that he should have it. It seemed to be the sort of thing that would make him happy and she really wouldn't mind if Adam were the one given this ability.

And so Adam was given the ability to control the direction of his misdirection while in a vertical position. And so, he was happy and did celebrate by wetting down the bark on the tree nearest him, laughing with delight all the while. And it was good.

"Fine," God said, looking back into his bag of leftover gifts, "What's left here? Oh yes, Multiple orgasms..."

by (few years ago!)
Pregnant

K. C. lived very far from town, his wife was pregnant and about due.

He went to see the doctor because he was afraid that he wouldn't be able to get his wife to the doctor in time for the birth of his first baby.

The doctor told him, "K.C. , there's nothing to worry about. You've delivered calf's from a cow before haven't you?"

K. C. says, "Yes"

The doctor says, "Well it's the same thing involved when a woman gives birth to a baby."

K. C. leaves much less worried.

A few weeks later K. C. stops by the doctor's office and tells the doc. "I'm the proud father of a 9-pound boy." He smiles.

The doc asks, "Did everything go OK?"

K. C. answers, "Yeah, just one thing, I almost had to beat the shit out of her to make her eat the afterbirth.

by (few years ago!)
Religious jokes

A preacher, who shall we say was "humor impaired," attended a conference to help encourage and better equip pastors for their ministry.Among the speakers were many well known and dynamic speakers. One such boldly approached the pulpit and, gathering the entire crowds attention, said, "The best years of my life were spent in the arms of a woman that wasnt my wife!" The crowd was shocked! He followed up by saying, "And that woman was my mother!" - The crowd burst into laughter and delivered the rest of his talk, which went over quite well.The next week, the pastor decided hed give this humor thing a try, and use that joke in his sermon. As he surely approached the pulpit that sunny Sunday, he tried to rehearse the joke in his head. It suddenly seemed a bit foggy to him.Getting to the microphone he said loudly, "The greatest years of my life were spent in the arms of another woma n that was not my wife!" The congregation inhaled half the air in the room. After standing there for almost 10 seconds in the stunned silence, trying to recall the second half of the joke, the pastor finally blurted out, "...and I cant remember who she was!"

by (few years ago!)
Dog jokes

Alsation Why do you like to go on camping trips Chihuahua I like to ruff it.

by (few years ago!)
Political jokes

Two men were stopped by a TV newswoman doing streetinterviews about the upcoming presidential primary election."Im not voting for any of the candidates," the first man said. "Idont know any of them.""I feel the same way," the second man said. "Only I knowthem all."

by (few years ago!)
The O.j. Murder Trial" By Dr.seuss

I did not kill my lovely wife.
I did not slash her with a knife.
I did not bonk her on the head.
I did not know that she was dead.
I stayed at home that fateful night.
I took a cab, then took a flight.
The bag I had was just for me.
My bag! My bag! Hey, leave it be.
When I came home I had a gash.
My hand was cut from broken glass.
I cut my hand on broken glass.
A broken glass did cause that gash.
I have nothing, nothing to hide.
My friend, he took me for a ride.
Did you take this person's life?
Did you do it with a knife?
I did not do it with a knife.
I did not, could not kill my wife.
I did not do this awful crime.
I could not, would not anytime.
Did you hit her from above?
Did you drop this bloody glove?
I did not hit her from above.
I cannot even wear that glove.
I did not do it with a knife.
I did not, could not kill my wife.
I did not do this awful crime.
I could not, would not, not anytime.
And now I'm free, I can return
To my house for which I yearn.
And to my family whom I love.
Hey now I'm free -- Give back my glove!!

by (few years ago!)
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