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Blonde jokes

A blonde was taking the tour of a national park not long ago The ranger mentioned to the tour group that dinosur fossils had been found in the area The blonde exclaimed Wow! I cant believe the dinosaurs would come this close to the highway.

by (few years ago!) / 4390 views
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ON JUDGEMENT DAY

At COMDEX Bill Gates reportedly compared the computer industry with the auto industry and stated: "If GM had kept up with technology like the computer industry has, we would all be driving twenty-five dollar cars that got 1000 miles to the gallon."

In response to Bill's comments, General Motors issued a press release stating (by Mr. Welch himself):

If GM had developed technology like Microsoft, we would all be driving cars with the following characteristics:

• For no reason whatsoever your car would crash twice a day.

• Every time they repainted the lines on the road you would have to buy a new car.

• Occasionally your car would die on the freeway for no reason, and you would just accept this, restart and drive on.

• Occasionally, executing a maneuver such as a left turn, would cause your car to shut down and refuse to restart, in which case you would have to reinstall the engine.

• Macintosh would make a car that was powered by the sun, reliable, five times as fast, and twice as easy to drive, but it would only run on five percent of the roads.

• The oil, water temperature and alternator warning lights would be replaced by a single "general car default" warning light.

• New seats would force everyone to have the same size butt.

• The airbag system would say "Are you sure?" before going off.

• Occasionally for no reason whatsoever, your car would lock you out and refuse to let you in until you simultaneously lift the door handle, turn the key, and grab hold of the radio antenna.

• GM would require all car buyers to also purchase a deluxe set of Rand McNally road maps (now a GM subsidiary), even though they neither need them nor want them. Attempting to delete this option would immediately cause the car's performance to diminish by 50% or more. Moreover, GM would become a target for investigation by the Justice Department.

• Everytime GM introduced a new model car buyers would have to learn how to drive all over again because none of the controls would operate in the same manner as in the old car.

• You'd press the "start" button to shut off the engine

by (few years ago!)
Blonde jokes

Why didnt the blondes go to the movies on one buck night?A: They couldnt fit a deer into the car.

by (few years ago!)
School jokes

Teacher: Whats big and yellow and comes in the morning to brighten a mothers day?Pupil: The school bus!

by (few years ago!)
Bar jokes beer booze and fun

consumption of alcohol may lead you to believe you are invisible.

by (few years ago!)
blonde jokes

There were three blonde men stranded on an island, when one of the blonde guys suddenly found a lamp. On one side, the lamp says, "Rub here for three wishes."

So the three blonde guys agree that this is a good idea, rub the lamp, and a genie pops out and says, "I will give you each one wish."

The first blonde guy wishes to be a brunette. He then swims across the small lake.

The second blonde man wishes to be a red head. He gets in a boat and rows across the small lake.

Then the third blonde man wishes to be a woman. And, she simply walks across the bridge.

by (few years ago!)
Blonde jokes

How many blonde jokes are there? A: One - the rest are all true.

by (few years ago!)
PLASTIC SURGERY

A woman in the bar says that she wants to have plastic surgery to enlarge her breasts. Her husband tells her, "Hey, you don't need surgery to do that. I know how to do it without surgery."

The lady asks, "How do I do it without surgery?"

"Just rub toilet paper between them."

Startled the lady asks, "How does that make them bigger?"

"I don't know, but it worked for your ass."


* * *


Two women were at a bar. One looked at the other and said, "You know, 80 percent of all men think the best way to end an argument is to make love."

"Well," said the other woman," that will certainly revolutionise the game of hockey!"



by (few years ago!)
blonde jokes

The USA finally sent the first manned space mission to Mars. The spacecraft gently touched down and the astronaut descended and tested the atmosphere. Low and behold it was safe for people to breathe. He removed his space suit and exited the spacecraft. He was amazed to find himself in a lush green valley surrounded with beautiful wooded hills. He hiked for some distance and came upon a beautiful little white cottage with a lush green lawn surrounded by a white picket fence like something out of Better Homes and Gardens.

He walked up to the front door and found it open. He walked inside, looked around and hearing noises from the kitchen he went back there. WOW, to his amazement he saw the most beautiful blonde he had ever seen standing over a large pot on the stove. Inside the pot was a gooey mess that she was stirring with a large spoon. As he watched, she kept stirring and stirring.

After a couple of hours, he finally asked her what she was doing. She replied that she was having a baby. He was quite skeptical but after a couple more hours of stirring she reached down into the gooey mess and pulled out a beautiful baby girl. He told her that was really amazing but that was not the way it was done on Earth.

She replied, "How do you do it on Earth?" With a twinkle in his eyes he said, "Come on back to the bedroom and I'll show you." After an hour of the wildest sex he had ever experienced, he lay back exhausted and lit up a cigarette. She said, "Well where is the baby." He said, "Oh that takes nine months."

She replied, "Well, then why did you stop stirring?"

by (few years ago!)
School jokes

Teacher: If you have five haystacks in one corner, five in another and two in another, how many would you have ?Pupil: One big haystack !

by (few years ago!)
Dog jokes

Why is a dog scared of a fire?A.It doesnt want to become a hot dog.

by (few years ago!)
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