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Blonde jokes

A blonde is walking down the street with her blouse open, exposing one of her breasts.A nearby policeman approaches her and remarks Maam, are you aware that I could cite you for indecent exposure Why, officer asks the blonde Because your blouse is open and your breast is exposed.""Oh my goodness exclaims the blonde, "I left my baby on the bus

by (few years ago!) / 5065 views
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TWO BLONDES AND A BRUNETTE


There are two blondes and a brunette on an island. One of the blondes finds a bottle and a genie pops out. The genie says he will grant them one wish each (you get the picture)...

The first blonde says, "I need to get off this island, I wish for a rowboat." With a flash, a rowboat appears and she rushes out into the ocean.

The second blonde says, "I need to get off this island, I need jetski"

With a flash, a jetski appears and she rushes out into the ocean, soon overtaking the first blonde.

The genie looks enquiringly toward the brunette, who with raised eyebrows, smiles and says," Just give me a million dollars, I'll take the bridge.

by (few years ago!)
Been In College Too Long...

You consider McDonald's "real food."

You actually like doing laundry at home.

4:00 AM is still early on the weekends.

It starts getting late on the weeknights.

Two miles is not too far to walk for a party.

You wear dirty socks three times in a row and think nothing of it.

You'd rather clean than study.

Half the time you don't wake up in your own bed and it seems normal.

Computer Solitaire is more than a game, it's a way of life.

You schedule your classes around sleep habits and soaps.You know the pizza boy by name.

You go to sleep when it's light and get up when it's dark.

You live for getting mail. (E-mail included)

Prank phone calls become funny again.

Wal-Mart is the coolest store.

World War III could take place and you'd be clueless.

You start thinking and sounding like your roommate.

Blacklights and highlighters are the coolest things on earth.

Rearranging your room is your favorite pastime.

You find out milk crates have so many uses.

The weekend lasts from Thursday to Sunday (or Wednesday morning to Tuesday night).

by (few years ago!)
Speech Impediment

Two life-long friends were enjoying a few pints down their local bar, when one said to the other, "If I ask you a question, will you promise to answer me honestly?"

"Yeah, sure thing," replied his friend, "fire away."

"Well," said the first guy, "why do you think all the guys around here find my wife so attractive?"

"It's probably because of her speech impediment," replied the second guy.

"What do you mean her speech impediment?" inquired the first fellow, "My wife doesn't have got a speech impediment!"

Well," replied his friend , "you must be the only guy who hasn't noticed that she can't say NO!"

by (few years ago!)
Blonde jokes

What do you call 15 blondes in a circle?A: A dope ring.

by (few years ago!)
A STATE OF THE ART WATCH

A confident man walks into a bar and takes a seat next to a very attractive woman. He gives her a quick glance, and then casually looks at his watch for a moment.
The woman notices this and asks, "Is your date running late?"

"No," he replies, "I just bought this state-of-the-art watch and I was just testing it."

The intrigued woman says, "A state-of-the-art watch? What's so special about it?"

"It uses alpha waves to telepathically talk to me," he explains.

"What's it telling you now?" she asked.

"Well, it says you're not wearing any panties." he said.

The woman giggles and replies, "Well it must be broken then because I am wearing panties!"

The man explains, "Damn thing must be an hour fast."

by (few years ago!)
Animal jokes

One day a man is walking down the street when he sees an old man with a nice looking dog. He goes over to the man and asks: 'does your dog bite?' the old man replies 'No never'. When the man bends down to stroke the dog, it immediately takes a snap at his hand. The man says 'I thought you said your dog did not bite! 'I did' replies the old man, but this isn't my dog!'

by (few years ago!)
Eunichs

A lady on the airplane strikes up a conversation with the fellow sitting in the next seat, "..and where are you going?"

"I'm going to San Francisco to a Unix convention," he replies.

"Eunuchs convention?" she questions. "I didn't know there were that many of you."

by (few years ago!)
blonde jokes

One day, a blonde went into an appliance store that was having a sale on TV's. She walked up to the counter and said to the clerk, "I would like to buy this TV."

The clerk replied, "Sorry, I don't sell to blondes."

So, The blonde dyed her hair brown and returned the next day. Again, she went up to the counter and said, "I would like to buy this TV."

And again, the clerk answered, "Sorry, I don't sell to blondes."

Puzzled, the blonde asked, "How did you know I was a blonde?"

And the clerk said, "Because that is a microwave."

by (few years ago!)
ONE SUNNY DAY IN IRELAND

One sunny day in Ireland, two men were sitting in a pub, drinking some Guinness, when one turns to the other and says "You see that man over there? He looks just like me! I think I'm gonna go over there and talk to him."

So, he goes over to the man and taps him on the shoulder. "Excuse me sir" he starts, "but I noticed you look just like me!"

The second man turns around and says "Yeah, I noticed the same thing. Where you from?"

"I'm from Dublin" came the reply.

"Me too! What street do you live on?"

"McCarthy street"

The second man replies, "Me too! What number is it?"

"162" the first man replies.

"Me too! What are your parents names?"

"Connor and Shannon"

The second man, almost dumbfounded says, "Mine too! This is unbelievable!"

So, they buy some more Guinness and they're talking some more when the bartenders change shifts. The new bartender comes in and goes up to the other bartender and asks "What's new today?"

"Oh nothing much, the Murphy twins are drunk again though."

by (few years ago!)
PAYING THEIR RESPECTS


An elderly man 82, just returned from the doctors only to find he didn't have long to live. So he summons the three most important people in his life to tell.

1. His Doctor
2. His Priest
3. His Lawyer

" Well today I found out I don't have long to live. So I asked you three here, because your the most important people in my life. And I need to ask a favour. Today I am going to give each of you and envelope with $50,000 dollars in it. When I die, I would ask that all three of you throw the money in my grave."

Well a few days later the man passed on, The doctor said, "I have to admit I kept $10,000 dollars of his money, he owed me lots of medical bills. But I threw the other $35,000 in."

The Priest said, "I have to admit also I kept $25,000 dollars for the church. Its all going to a good cause. And I threw the rest in."

Well the Lawyer just couldn't believe what he was hearing, "I am surprised at you two. I wrote a check for the whole amount and threw it in."

by (few years ago!)
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