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Blonde jokes

A blonde is walking down the street with her blouse open, exposing one of her breasts.A nearby policeman approaches her and remarks Maam, are you aware that I could cite you for indecent exposure Why, officer asks the blonde Because your blouse is open and your breast is exposed.""Oh my goodness exclaims the blonde, "I left my baby on the bus

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celebRate!

The Pope dies and, naturally, goes to heaven. He's met by the reception committee, and after a whirlwind tour he is told that he can enjoy any of the myriad of recreations available.

He decides that he wants to read all of the ancient original text of the Holy Scriptures, so he spends the next eon or so learning languages.

After becoming a linguistic master, he sits down in the library and begins to pour over every version of the Bible, working back from most recent "Easy Reading" to the original script.

All of a sudden there is a scream in the library. The Angels come running in only to find the Pope huddled in his chair, crying to himself and muttering, "An 'R'! The scribes left out the 'R'."

A particularly concerned Angel takes him aside, offering comfort, asks him what the problem is and what does he mean.

After collecting his wits, the Pope sobs again, "It's the letter 'R'. They left out the 'R'. The word was supposed to be celebRate!"

by (few years ago!)
Blonde jokes

There was a blonde who was at an all blonde football game.At halftime she was called down to answer questions to seeif she could win $1000. The first question was what is 10 plus 11?She hesitates and says, hm.. 5! The host says no im sorry thats incorrect.All of the blondes in the stadium chanted "Give her another chance, giveher another chance!" So the host agrees and said, "ok how about 5 plus 5."She answers and says 20. Again all the blondes chanted give her another chance, give her another chance. So the host agrees again and says, ok last chance,what is 2 plus 2. The blonde says 4! and the audience says Give her another chance give her another chance!

by (few years ago!)
Jokes And Funny Stories About Animals - 4

A woman seated at the movies was surprised to find, sitting in the two adjacent seats, a man with his arm around a sheep dog. All through the movie, she noticed the dog watching the picture with apparent understanding snarling when the villain appeared, yelping happily at the funny parts. At the end of the movie, she tapped the man on the shoulder. "I just can't get over how much your dog enjoyed the movie," she said. "It surprises me too," the man answered, "He absolutely despised the book."

by (few years ago!)
Blonde jokes

A person went into the office kitchen one morning and found a new blonde girl painting the walls. She was wearing a new fur coat and a nice denim jacket.Thinking this was a little strange, he asked her why she was wearing them rather than old clothes or an overall.She showed him the instructions on the tin For best results put on two coats

by (few years ago!)
Signs You're Burned Out

10. You're so tired you now answer the phone, 'Hell.' 9. Your friends call to ask how you've been, and you immediately scream, 'Get off my back, bitch!' 8. Your garbage can IS your 'in' box. 7. You wake up to discover your bed is on fire, but go back to sleep because you just don't care. 6. You have so much on your mind, you've forgotten how to pee. 5. Visions of the upcoming weekend help you make it through Monday. 4. You sleep more at work than at home. 3. You leave for a party and instinctively bring your ID badge. 2. You blasted your Daily Planner with a .357 Magnum a week ago, but still haven't been able to miss a meeting. 1. You think about how relaxing it would be if you were in jail right now.

by (few years ago!)
blonde jokes

A California highway patrolman pulled alongside a speeding car on the congested freeway. Glancing at the car, the officer was astounded to see that the beautiful blonde behind the wheel was knitting!

Conceding that the blonde woman was oblivious to his flashing lights and siren, the trooper calmly cranked down his car window, turned on his bullhorn and yelled, "PULL OVER!"

"NO," the blonde yelled back. "IT'S A SCARF!"

by (few years ago!)
Blonde jokes

What do you call a blonde in an institution of higher learning?A: A visitor.

by (few years ago!)
THE UNHAPPY WIFE


An unhappy wife was complaining about her husband spending all his free time in a bar, so one night he took her along with him. "What'll you have?" he asked.

"Oh, I don't know. The same as you I suppose," she replied.

So, the husband ordered a couple of Jack Daniel's and threw his down in one shot. His wife watched him, then took a sip from her glass and immediately spat it out.

"Yuck, that's TERRIBLE!" she spluttered. "I don't know how you can drink this stuff!"

"Well, there you go," cried the husband. "And you think I'm out enjoying myself every night!

by (few years ago!)
Business jokes

Monster: Stick em down. Ghost: Dont you mean, stick em up. Monster: No wonder Im not making much money in this business.

by (few years ago!)
blonde jokes

A blonde is driving down the road. She notices that she is low on gas, so she stops at the gas station. While she's pumping her gas, she notices that she had locked the keys in the car. So when she goes inside to pay, the blonde asks the attendant for a coat hanger so she can attempt to open the door herself.

She goes outside and begins to jimmy the lock. Ten minutes later, the attendant goes outside to see how the blonde is faring. The blonde outside of the car is moving the hanger around and around.

Meanwhile, the blonde inside of the car is saying, "A little more to the left. A little more to the right ...

by (few years ago!)
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