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Blonde jokes

A blonde is walking down the street with her blouse open, exposing one of her breasts.A nearby policeman approaches her and remarks Maam, are you aware that I could cite you for indecent exposure Why, officer asks the blonde Because your blouse is open and your breast is exposed.""Oh my goodness exclaims the blonde, "I left my baby on the bus

by (few years ago!) / 4449 views
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SURELY NOT MORE BIZARRE REAL LIFE ANIMAL LAWS

In North Carolina, it is against the law to use elephants to plow cotton fields.

In New York City, one is forbidden from shooting rabbits from the back end of a Third Avenue streetcar when it is moving.

In Kansas, people cannot shoot rabbits while in a motorboat.

In Statesville, North Carolina, it is against the law to race rabbits in the streets.

In Tuscumbia, Alabama, no more than eight rabbits can reside on the same block.

A law in Detroit, Michigan, prohibits crocodiles from being tied to a fire hydrant.

Donkeys are not allowed to sleep in bathtubs in Brooklyn, New York.

In Baltimore, Maryland, it is necessary to document any services performed by a jackass.

In Ohio, it is against the law to set a fire under your mule if it balks.

In Arkansas, if your 2-year-old mule runs wild and is unclaimed within 2 days, anyone may castrate the animal.

In Marshalltown, Iowa, a horse will be breaking the law if it eats a fire hydrant.

People can be fined, arrested or jailed for making ugly faces at a dog in Oklahoma.

Dogs must have a permit signed by the mayor in order to congregate in groups of three or more on private property.

In Tulsa, Oklahoma, dogs are prohibited from going on private property unless the owner gives his consent first.

In Chicago, it is illegal to take a French poodle to the opera.

Dogs are strictly forbidden from riding in ambulances in Westport, Massachusetts.

Wallace, Idaho, decreed it is unlawful for anyone to sleep in a dog kennel.

In Clawson, Michigan, a law specifically makes it legal for a farmer to sleep with his pigs, cows, horses, goats, and chickens. But the animals may not be in the house after sunup or during the day.

Florida has a law prohibiting the transporting of livestock on school buses.

If you live in Franklin, Kentucky, you can't legally trade horses after dark.

In Alabama, no mules can be traded after supper when the sun has already gone below the horizon. And in Idaho, you can't buy or sell chickens after sundown without the sheriff's permission.

It is illegal to lasso a catfish in Tennessee and the state of Washington.

In Seattle, goldfish can ride the city buses in bowls only if they keep still.

You cannot shoot fish with a bow and arrow in Louisville, Kentucky. And you cannot shoot fish with a gun in the state of Washington or in Hazelhurst, Mississippi.

It's against the law to get a fish drunk in Oklahoma.

In Kansas, you cannot fish with your bare hands, while in the state of Washington, you can't catch a fish by throwing a rock at it.

by (few years ago!)
Dog jokes

Why is a dog so warm in Summer?He wears a coat and pants.

by (few years ago!)
President Bush Jokes About Jenna's Wedding

President George W. Bush has had to face tough economic and diplomatic issues during his two terms in office, but his daughter Jenna's upcoming wedding has ...

by (few years ago!)
lawyer jokes

A lawyer and his Czech friend were camping in a backwoods section of Montana. One morning, the two went out to pick berries for their breakfast. They went gathering berries in tremendous quantities, along came two huge bears, a male and a female. The lawyer, seeing the two bears, immediately dashed for cover. His friend, though, wasn't so lucky, and the male bear reached him and swallowed him whole.

The lawyer ran back to his Mercedes, tore into town as fast as he could, and got the local sheriff. The sheriff grabbed his shotgun and dashed back to the berry patch with the lawyer. Sure enough, the two bears were still there.

"He's in THAT one!" cried the lawyer, pointing to the male, while visions of lawsuits from his friend's family danced in his head. He just had to save his friend. The sheriff looked at the bears, and without batting an eye, leveled his gun, took careful aim, and shot the female. "What did you do that for!" exclaimed the lawyer, "I said he was in the other!"

"Exactly," replied the sheriff. "Would YOU believe a lawyer who told you the Czech was in the male?"

by (few years ago!)
Jokes & Funny Stories About Blondes - 6

What happened to the Blonde terrorist who tried to blow up a bus?
She burned her lips on the exhaust pipe.

by (few years ago!)
10 Signs of A Bad Computer

10) Lower corner of screen has the words "Etch-a-sketch" on it.

9) It's celebrity spokesman is that "Hey Vern!" guy.

8) In order to start it you need some jumper cables and a friend's car.

7) It's slogan is "Pentium: redefining mathematics".

6) The "quick reference" manual is 120 pages long.

5) Whenever you turn it on, all the dogs in your neighborhood start howling.

4) The screen often displays the message, "Ain't it break time yet?"

3) The manual contains only one sentence: "Good Luck!"

2) The only chip inside is a Dorito.

1) You've decided that your computer is an excellent addition to your fabulous paperweight collection.

by (few years ago!)
Bar jokes

Two men who are out walking their dogs meet on a street corner. One says to the other, "Boy it sure is hot today. I'd really like to go into the bar and get a beer, but the sign on the front door says, "No Pets Allowed," and I can't leave Fido alone on the street."

The other man replies, "No problem, just stand by the door and watch me, and you'll be having that beer real soon!" The second man reaches into his pocket and puts on a pair of dark sunglasses, and then walks into the bar.

The bartender looks up and says, "Hey buddy, you can't bring that dog in here!" The man says, "But I'm blind, and this is my seeing-eye dog!" The bartender says, "Oh, okay then." The man drinks his beer and leaves.

The first man then puts on dark sunglasses and goes into the bar. The bartender looks up and says, "Hey buddy, you can't bring that dog in here!" The man says, "But I'm blind, and this is my seeing-eye dog!"

The bartender says, "Oh really? I've never heard of a Chihuahua seeing-eye dog!"

The man, thinking quickly, blurts out, "Oh, man! You mean they gave me a Chihuahua?"

by (few years ago!)
Blonde jokes

What does a blonde say when you ask her if her blinker is working?A: Yes. No. Yes. No. Yes. No. Yes. No. Yes. No

by (few years ago!)
Blonde jokes

Did you hear about the new blonde hoodlum?A: She runs around spray-painting her name on chain link fences.

by (few years ago!)
How to Maintain a Healthy Level of Insanity in the Workplace

Page yourself over the intercom. Don't disguise your voice.

2. Send e-mail to the rest of the company telling them exactly what you're doing. For example: "If anyone needs me, I'll be in the bathroom."

3. Every time someone asks you to do something, anything, ask them if they want fries with that.

4. Put your trash can on your desk. Label it "IN."

5. Make up nicknames for all your coworkers and refer to them only by these names. "That's a good point, Spike." "No, I'm sorry, but I'm going to have to disagree with you there, Sparky."

6. High-light your shoes. Tell people you haven't lost them as much since you did this.

7. While sitting at your desk, soak your fingers in Palmolive liquid. Call everyone Madge.

8. Hang mosquito netting around your cubicle. When you emerge to get coffee or a printout or whatever, slap yourself randomly the whole way.

9. Put a chair facing a printer. Sit there all day and tell people you're waiting for your document.

10. Send e-mail back and forth to yourself engaging yourself in an intellectual debate. Forward the mail to a co-worker and ask her to settle the disagreement.

11. Encourage your colleagues to join you in a little synchronized chair-dancing.

12. Feign an unnatural and hysterical fear of staplers.

13. Send e-mail messages saying there's free pizza or donuts or cake in the lunchroom. When people drift back to work complaining that they found none, lean back, pat your stomach and say, "Oh, you've got to be faster than that."

14. Put decaf in the coffeemaker for three weeks. Once everyone has withdrawn from caffeine addiction, switch to espresso.

15. Find out where your boss shops and buy exactly the same outfits. Wear them one day after you boss does. (This is especially effective if your boss is of a different gender than you.)

by (few years ago!)
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