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Blonde jokes

A blonde is walking down the street with her blouse open, exposing one of her breasts.A nearby policeman approaches her and remarks Maam, are you aware that I could cite you for indecent exposure Why, officer asks the blonde Because your blouse is open and your breast is exposed.""Oh my goodness exclaims the blonde, "I left my baby on the bus

by (few years ago!) / 4754 views
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Professor, The Car Broke Down

Two college seniors had a week of exams coming up. They decided to party instead. Their biggest exam was on Wednesday and they showed up telling the professor that their car had broken down the night before due to a very flat tire and they needed a bit more time to study.

The professor told them that they could have another day to study. That evening, both of the boys crammed all night until they were sure that they knew just about everything.

Arriving to class the next morning, each boy was told to go to two separate classrooms to take the exam. Each boy just shrugged and went to two different parts of the building.

As each sat down, they read the first question.

"For 5 points, explain the contents of an atom."

At this point, they both thought that this was going to be a piece of cake, and answered the question with ease. Then, the test continued.

"For 95 points, tell me which tire it was."

by (few years ago!)
A STATE OF THE ART WATCH

A confident man walks into a bar and takes a seat next to a very attractive woman. He gives her a quick glance, and then casually looks at his watch for a moment.

The woman notices this and asks, "Is your date running late?"

"No," he replies, "I just bought this state-of-the-art watch and I was just testing it."

The intrigued woman says, "A state-of-the-art watch? What's so special about it?"

"It uses alpha waves to telepathically talk to me," he explains.

"What's it telling you now?" she asked.

"Well, it says you're not wearing any panties." he said.

The woman giggles and replies, "Well it must be broken then because I am wearing panties!"

The man explains, "Damn thing must be an hour fast.

by (few years ago!)
Marriage jokes

Not that my wifes the jealous type or anything, but one day at work, I had taken this temp who was filling in for my secretary to lunch in gratitude for an outstanding job on a very difficult project. As luck would have it, there was my wife waiting in the office for my return. The temp, who was truly a ravishing beauty said, "Oh, Mrs. Moore, Im so happy to meet you. Im your husbands new secretary."Within a single heart beat my wife quietly intoned, "OH ? Really ? Were you ???"

by (few years ago!)
Religious jokes

A Rabbi and a Priest were sitting together on a train, and the Rabbileans over and asks, "So how high can you advance in your organization?"The Priest says "If I am lucky, I guess I could become a Bishop.""Well, could you get any higher than that?" asks the Rabbi."I suppose that if my works are seen in a very good light that I mightbe made an ArchBishop" said the Priest a bit cautiously."Is there any way that you might go higher than that?""If all the Saints should smile, I guess I could be made a Cardinal""Could you be anything higher than a Cardinal?" probed the Rabbi.Hesitating a little bit, the Priest said "I supose that I could beelected Pope, but..."So the Rabbi says "And could you be anything higher than that?,is there any way to go up from being the Pope?""What!!! I should be the Messiah himself!?!"The Rabbi leaned back and said "One of ou r boys made it."

by (few years ago!)
SO CORNY IT HURTS!


A guy walks into a bar and approaches the barman, "Can I have a pint of Less, please?"

"I'm sorry sir," the barman replies, looking slightly puzzled, "I've not come across that one before. Is it a spirit?"

"I've no idea," replies the guy, "The thing is, I went to see my doctor last week and he told me that I should drink less."

by (few years ago!)
QUOTES WE REMEMBER OUR WISE LEADERS BY

If you let that sort of thing go on, your bread & butter will be cut from right under your feet."
- Former British foreign minister Ernest Bevin.

"Without censorship things can get terribly confused in the public mind."
- General William Westmoreland, during the war in Viet Nam.

"Things are more like they are now than they ever were before."
- Former U.S. President Dwight D. Eisenhower

"China is a big country, inhabited by many Chinese."
- Former French President Charles de Gaulle

"The Internet is a gateway to get on the net."
- U.S. Republican presidential candidate Bob Dole

"Traditionally most of Australia's imports come from overseas."
- Former Australian cabinet minister Keppel Enderbery.

"The President has kept all the promises he intended to keep."
- Clinton aide George Stephanopolous speaking on "Larry King Live"


by (few years ago!)
Three vampires go to a bar

Three vampires walk into a bar and sit down at a table. The waitress comes over and asks the first vampire what he would like. The first vampire responds, "I vould like some blood."

The waitress turns to the second vampire and asks what he would like. The vampire responds, "I vould like some blood."

The waitress turns to the third vampire and asks what he would like. The vampire responds, "I vould like some plasma."

The waitress looks up and says, "Let me see if I have this order correct. You want two bloods and a blood light?"

by (few years ago!)
ADAM AND EVE, THE MENNONITES

How do we know that Adam and Eve were Mennonite?

A. Who else would be alone in a garden with a naked woman and be tempted by a piece of fruit?


by (few years ago!)
Dog jokes

Why are Chihuahuas such good bedtime storytellers? They have short tales!

by (few years ago!)
Men jokes

Men will brag that there are women waiting by the phone at this very moment for their call. Who are these women?A: Women working at 900 numbers.

by (few years ago!)
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