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Blonde jokes

A blonde got lost in her car in a snow storm. She remembered what her dad had once told her. "If you ever get stuck in a snow storm, wait for a snow plow and follow it." Pretty soon a snow plow came by nand she started to follow it. She followed the plow for about forty-five minutes. Finally the driver of the snow plow got out and asked her what she was doing. She explained that her dad had told her if she ever got stuck in the snow, to follow a plow. The driver nodded and said Well, Im done with the Wal Mart lot, now you can follow me over to K-Mart

by (few years ago!) / 6442 views
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Similar Jokes

The proposition

The Devil said to the lawyer, I have a proposition for you. You can win every case you try, for the rest of your life. Your clients will adore you, your colleagues will stand in awe of you, and you will make embarrassing sums of money. All I want in exchange is your soul, your wifes soul, your childrens souls, the souls of your parents, grandparents, and parents-in-law, and the souls of all of your friends and I want to have anal sex with your 14 year old daughter.

The lawyer thought about this for a moment, then asked, So, whats the catch?

by (few years ago!)
Blonde jokes

How can you tell if a blonde has been using the computer?A: The joystick is wet

by (few years ago!)
Lawyer jokes

In a murder trial, the defense attorney was cross-examining a pathologist. Here is what happened:

Attorney: "Before you signed the death certificate, had you taken the pulse?"

Coroner: "No."

Attorney: "Did you listen to the heart?"

Coroner: "No."

Attorney: "Did you check for breathing?"

Coroner: "No."

Attorney: "So, when you signed the death certificate, you weren't sure the man was dead, were you?"

Coroner: "Well, let me put it this way. The man's brain was sitting in a jar on my desk. But I guess it is possible that he could be out there practicing law somewhere."

by (few years ago!)
Computer jokes

Would you like to buy a second-hand computer?Im afraid not. Im only able to type with one hand as it is.

by (few years ago!)
Lawyer jokes

One afternoon at the bank, in a long line of people waiting for a bank teller, one guy suddenly started massaging the back of the person in front of him. Surprised, the man in front turned and snarled, "Just what the hell do you think you're doing?"
"Well," said the guy. "You see, I'm a chiropractor and I could see that you were tense, so I just had to massage your back. Sometimes I just can't help practicing my art."

"That's the stupidest thing I have ever heard!" the guy replied. "I'm a lawyer. Do you see me screwing the guy in front of me?"

by (few years ago!)
What do lawyers use for birth control?

What do lawyers use for birth control?

Their personalities.

by (few years ago!)
BILL AND THE PEARLY GATES

Bill Gates dies and is at the pearly gates talking with Saint Peter. Saint Peter says, "Bill, you've done some wonderful things in your life and have earned the right to choose where you'll spend the rest of eternity. You can choose between Heaven or Hell, but choose wisely."

Bill looks over Saint Peter's shoulder between the pearly gates and sees nothing but a lush green meadow. Deciding to heed Saint Peter's words, Bill asks if he could take a look at Hell. Saint Peter agrees and sends Bill to Hell.

The Devil greets Bill at the gates of Hell and he is immediately taken aback. Much to his surprise, there's one heck of a party going on. People are dancing, the alcohol is flowing, music is non-stop and everyone is having a blast.

Bill returns to Heaven to again discuss his decision with Saint Peter. He again looks over Saint Peter's shoulder and sees only a lush green meadow. Bill says to Saint Peter, "I've put a lot of thought into this decision and it may sound foolish, but I'd like to spend the rest of eternity in Hell." Saint Peter fulfills Bill's request and returns him to Hell.

When Bill gets back to Hell there's been a big change. People are writhing in agony, flames are burning, moans of pain and despair are everywhere. Bill, being quite shocked at the sight asks the Devil, "What happened?? I was just down here a little while ago and everyone was having a great time!"

The Devil says, "Oh that... That was just the demo!"

by (few years ago!)
FREE DRINKS FOR THE BLIND

A man goes to a bar with his dog. He goes up to the bar and asks for a drink. The bartender says "You can't bring that dog in here!"
The guy, without missing a beat, says "This is my guide dog."

"Oh man,” the bartender says, "I'm sorry, here, the first one's on me." The man takes his drink and goes to a table near the door.

Another guy walks in the bar with a Chihuahua. The first guys sees him, stops him and says "You can't bring that dog in here unless you tell him it's a guide dog." The second man graciously thanks the first man and continues to the bar where he asks for a drink.

The bartender says "Hey, you can't bring that dog in here!"

The second man replies "This is my guide dog."

The bartender says, "No, I don't think so. They do not have Chihuahuas as guide dogs."

The man pauses for a half-second and replies "What? They gave me a Chihuahua?"

by (few years ago!)
Dog jokes

What does a Chihuahua play basketball with?A tennis ball!

by (few years ago!)
Bar jokes beer booze and fun

A Congressman was once asked about his attitude toward whiskey. "If you mean the demon drink that poisons the mind, pollutes the body, desecrates family life, and inflames sinners, then Im against it.But if you mean the elixir of Christmas cheer, the shield against winter chill, the taxable potion that puts needed funds into public coffers to comfort little crippled children, then Im for it. This is my position, and I will not compromise."

by (few years ago!)
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