Search Jokes
e.g. faraz, sardar, etc.

EAGER TO IMPRESS THE BOSS

A young executive was leaving the office late one evening when he found the CEO standing in front of a shredder with a piece of paper in his hand."Listen,said the CEO this is a very sensitive and important document here, and my secretary has gone for the night. Can you make this thing work?"

"Certainly," said the young executive. He turned the machine on, inserted the paper, and pressed the start button "Excellent, excellent!" said the CEO as his paper disappeared inside the machine. "I just need one copy."


A young executive was leaving the office late one evening when he found the CEO standing in front of a shredder with a piece of paper in his hand.

"Listen," said the CEO, "this is a very sensitive and important document here, and my secretary has gone for the night. Can you make this thing work?"

"Certainly," said the young executive. He turned the machine on, inserted the paper, and pressed the start button.

"Excellent, excellent!" said the CEO as his paper disappeared inside the machine. "I just need one copy."

by (few years ago!) / 11551 views
(Not Rated Yet)
 

Similar Jokes

Question and answer animal jokes

Q: Why do hummingbirds hum?
A: Because they don't know the words.

Q: Where does a blackbird go for a drink?
A: To a crow bar.

Q: Why was the crow perched on a telephone wire?
A: He was going to make a long-distance caw.

Q: What did the chick say when it saw an orange in the nest?
A: Look at the orange mama laid.

Q: Is it good manners to eat fried chicken with your fingers?
A: No, you should eat your fingers separately.

Q: Why do hens lay eggs?
A: If they dropped them, they'd break.

Q: Why do seagulls live near the sea?
A: Because if they lived near the bay, they would be called bagels.

Q: Diner: Do you serve chicken here?
A: Waiter: Sit down, sir. We serve anyone.

by (few years ago!)
WHILE DINING AT THE COUNTRY CLUB


A doctor, an architect, and an attorney were dining at the country club one day, and the conversation turned to the subject of their respective dogs, which were apparently quite extraordinary. A wager was placed on who had the most intelligent dog.

The physician offered to show his dog first, and called to the parking lot, "Hippocrates, come!" Hippocrates ran in, and was told by the doctor to do his stuff.

Hippocrates ran to the golf course and dug for a while, producing a number of bones. He dragged the bones into the country club, and assembled them into a complete, fully articulated human skeleton. The physician patted Hippocrates on the head, and gave him a cookie for his efforts.

The architect was only marginally impressed, and called for his dog, "Sliderule, come!" Sliderule ran in, and was told to do his stuff.

The dog immediately chewed the skeleton to rubble, but reassembled the fragments into a scale model of the Taj Mahal. The architect patted his dog and gave him a cookie.

The attorney watched the other two dogs, and called "Bullshit, come!" Bullshit entered and was told to do his stuff.

Bullshit immediately sodomised the other two dogs, stole their cookies, auctioned the Taj Mahal replica to the other club members for his fee, and went outside to play golf.

by (few years ago!)
CONVERSATIONS WITH TECHNICAL SUPPORT

Tech Support: "What version of the Mac OS are you using?"
Customer: "Word 6.0."

• Tech Support: "What browser are you using, Netscape or Microsoft?"
Customer: "Netscape."
Tech Support: "Could you read to me what it says at the top of the window?"
Customer: "'Global Travel Conference - Microsoft Internet Explorer'."

• Tech Support: "Are you installing on a Mac?"
Customer: "No, I'm using a 3.5" thingee on a disk."

• Tech Support: "This has Windows 98 on it -- did it have Windows 98 or 95 on it when it was sent out for repair?"
Customer: "I think it had Office 97."

• Tech Support: "How much free space do you have on your hard drive?"
Customer: "Well, my wife likes to get up there on that Internet, and she downloaded ten hours of free space. Is that enough?"

• Customer: "I keep getting an error message whenever I try using the MSDOS mode in Windows 95."
Tech Support: "Can you describe what happens?"
Customer: "Well, I keep getting a black screen with an error message saying, 'C:\WINDOWS>'."

• Tech Support: "which drive is your CD ROM?"
Customer: "the top one."

• Customer: "Do I hit 'F' and '8' at the same time?"

• Tech Support: "Your password will be...a small 'a' as in apple, a capital 'V' as in Victor, the number '7' "
Customer: "Is that a capital '7'?"

• Tech Support: "Ok, let's try once more, but use lower case letters..."
Customer: "Uh, I only

by (few years ago!)
WELL, I'LL BE DOG GONE


A guy walks into a bar with his dog and says, "I'll have a Scotch and water and my dog would like a whiskey sour."

The bartender says, "Sorry, we don't allow animals in here."

The dog replies, "Hey, I'm tired of being discriminated against. Just give me a drink."

The bartender says, "Oh, no, not another ventriloquist with the old talking dog trick. Both of you, get out of here!"

"No, no, no, this isn't a trick, I promise you," says the man, "I tell you what, I'll go for a walk around the block and you talk to Rover here." The man leaves and the bartender sees him turn the corner.

"Now, can I have my drink." says the dog.

The bartender is amazed. "Sure you can and it's on the house! Listen, can you do me a favour? My wife works next door at the cafe. It'll make her day if you go in and order a cup of coffee. Here's ten bucks and you can keep the change afterwards."

"Okay." says the dog and he takes the ten dollars and leaves. Ten minutes go by and the dog doesn't come back. The owner returns and asks where is the dog. So both of them go off to see what happened to the dog.

As they approach the cafe, they see Rover going at it hot and heavy with a French poodle in the alley between the bar and cafe.

The owner shouts, "Rover! What are you doing! You've never done this before!"

The dog shrugged. "Hell, I've never had any money before.

by (few years ago!)
Dog jokes

Which dog tastes better when eaten?A hot dog.

by (few years ago!)
Political jokes

Republican parents have no problem buying toy guns for their kids. Democrats refuse to do so. That is why their kids pretend to shoot each other with dolls.

by (few years ago!)
American Manager

The manager of a large corporation got a heart attack, and the doctor told him to go for several weeks to a farm to relax. The guy went to a farm, and after a couple of days he was very bored, so he asked the farmer to give him some job to do.

The farmer told him to clean the shit of the cows. The farmer thought that to somebody coming from the city, working the whole life sitting in an office, it will take over a week to finish the job, but for his surprise the manager finished the job in less than one day.

The next day the farmer gave to the manager a more difficult job: to cut the heads of 500 chickens. The farmer was sure that the manager will not be able to do the job, but at the end of the day the job was done.

The next morning, as most of the jobs in the farm were done, the farmer asked the manager to divide a bag of potatoes in two boxes: one box with small potatoes, and one box with big potatoes.

At the end of the day the farmer saw that the manager was sitting in front of the potatoes bag, but the two boxes were empty. The farmer asked the manager: "How is that you made such difficult jobs during the first days, and now you cannot do this simple job?"

The manager answered: "Listen, all my life I'm cutting heads and dealing with shit, but now you ask me to make decisions."

by (few years ago!)
CATCHING OUT THE BARMAN


The bartender asks the guy sitting at the bar, "What'll you have?"

The guy answers, "A scotch, please."

The bartender hands him the drink, and says "That'll be five dollars,"

The guy replies, "What are you talking about? I don't owe you anything for this."

A lawyer, sitting nearby and overhearing the conversation, then says to the bartender, "You know, he's got you there. In the original offer, which constitutes a binding contract upon acceptance, there was no stipulation of remuneration."

The bartender was not impressed, but says to the guy, "Okay, you beat me for a drink. But don't ever let me catch you in here again."

The next day, same guy walks into the bar. Bartender says, "What the heck are you doing in here? I can't believe you've got the audacity to come back!"

The guy says, "What are you talking about? I've never been in this place in my life!"

The bartender replies, "I'm very sorry, but this is uncanny. You must have a double."

To which the guy replies, "Thank you. Make it a scotch.

by (few years ago!)
Blonde jokes

A blonde, a brunette and a redhead are stuck on an island.One day, the three of them are walking along the beach and discover a magic lamp. They rub and rub, and sure enough, out pops a genie.The genie says, "Since I can only grant three wishes, you may each have one."The brunette says, "Ive been stuck here for years. I miss my family, my husband, and my life. I just want to go home."POOF! The brunette gets her wish and she is returned to her family.Then, the red head says, "Ive been stuck here for years as well. I miss my family, my husband, and my life. I wish I could go home too."POOF! The redhead gets her wish and she is returned to her family.The blonde starts crying uncontrollably.The genie asks, "My dear, whats the matter The blonde whimpers, "I wish my friends were still here

by (few years ago!)
Misc Jokes

The finals of last year's National Poetry Contest came down to two finalists. One was a San Francisco State University graduate from an upper-crust family; well bred, well-connected, and all that goes with it. The other finalist was a redneck from Texas A&M. A self-proclaimed die-hard Aggie. Go figure.

The rules of the contest required each finalist to compose a four-line poem in one minute or less, and the poem had to contain the word "Timbuktu."

The San Francisco State graduate went first. About 30 seconds after the clock started, he jumped up and recited the following poem:

"Slowly across the desert sand
Trekked the dusty caravan.
Men on camels, two by two,
Destination: Timbuktu."

The audience went wild! How, they wondered could the redneck top that? The clock started again and the redneck sat in silent thought. Finally, in the last few seconds, he jumped up and recited:

"Tim and me, a-huntin' we went.
Met three whores with a pop-up tent.
They was three, we was two,
So I bucked one, and Timbuktu."

by (few years ago!)
  • Page 1 of 1
  • 1

Most Viewed Jokes

Windscreen Bug

Lawyer with an IQ of 10?

Do You Have The Time

Yo Mama's So Dumb... Job App..

Dear God...

How can you tell when a lawy..

STOPPING BY THE OFFICE ONE DAY

I Don't Want To Go To School

Need Samples

Get Me Another Lawyer

ERROR - UNABLE TO LOAD CONTROL : /controls/members/members_facebook.ascxd:\websites\azdomains\lol101.com\wwwroot\controls\members\members_facebook.ascx(11): error CS0103: The name 'FacebookSettings' does not exist in the current context