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EAGER TO IMPRESS THE BOSS

A young executive was leaving the office late one evening when he found the CEO standing in front of a shredder with a piece of paper in his hand."Listen,said the CEO this is a very sensitive and important document here, and my secretary has gone for the night. Can you make this thing work?"

"Certainly," said the young executive. He turned the machine on, inserted the paper, and pressed the start button "Excellent, excellent!" said the CEO as his paper disappeared inside the machine. "I just need one copy."


A young executive was leaving the office late one evening when he found the CEO standing in front of a shredder with a piece of paper in his hand.

"Listen," said the CEO, "this is a very sensitive and important document here, and my secretary has gone for the night. Can you make this thing work?"

"Certainly," said the young executive. He turned the machine on, inserted the paper, and pressed the start button.

"Excellent, excellent!" said the CEO as his paper disappeared inside the machine. "I just need one copy."

by (few years ago!) / 11930 views
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A woman enrolled in nursing school is attending an anatomy class. The subject of the day is involuntary muscles. The instructor, hoping to perk up the students a bit, asks the woman if she knows what her asshole does when she has an orgasm.

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by (few years ago!)
Marriage jokes

A guy is down on his luck. He takes his last $500 and goes to Las Vegas.Overnight, he has a fantastic run of luck. He stumbles out of the casinoand finds a pay phone. He calls his wife and says, "Honey, pack your bags.I just won over a million dollars in Vegas."His wife say, "Thats wonderful. What should I pack for...Europe, the Carribean?"He says, "I dont care, just be gone when I get home."

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Lawyer jokes

A persistent job-seeker once appeared before President Lincoln and demanded an appointment to a judgeship. He was informed that there were no vacancies. The next day, while walking along the river, he saw a drowned man being pulled out, and recognized him as a federal judge.He ran back to the White House and demanded the position. "Sorry," said the President, "but the lawyer who saw that judge fall in beat you here by a good five minutes."

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Business jokes

One day an out of work mime is visiting the zoo and attemptsto earn some money as a street performer. Unfortunately, assoon as he starts to draw a crowd, a zoo keeper grabs him anddrags him into his office. The zoo-keeper explains to the mime that the zoos mostpopular attraction, a gorilla, has died suddenly and thekeeper fears that attendance at the zoo will fall off. Heoffers the mime a job to dress up as the gorilla until theycan get another one. The mime accepts. So the next morning the mime puts on the gorilla suit andenters the cage before crowd comes. He discovers that its agreat job. He can sleep all he wants, play and make fun ofpeople and he draws bigger crowds than he ever did as a mime.However, eventually the crowds tire of him and he tires ofjust swinging on tires. He begins to notice that the people are paying moreattention to the lion in the cag e next to his. Not wanting tolose the attention of his audience, he climbs to the top ofhis cage, crawls across a partition, and dangles from the topto the lions cage. Of course, this makes the lion furious,but the crowd loves it. At the end of the day the zoo-keepercomes and gives the mime a raise for being such a goodattraction. Well, this goes on for some time, the mime keeps tauntingthe lion, the crowds grow larger, and his salary keeps goingup. Then one terrible day when he is dangling over thefurious lion, he slips and falls. The mime is terrified. Thelion gathers itself and prepares to pounce. The mime is so scared that he begins to run round and roundthe cage with the lion close behind. Finally, the mime startsscreaming and yelling, "Help, Help me!" but the lion is quickand pounces. The mime soon finds himself flat on his back looking up atthe angry lion and the lion says, " Shut up you idiot! Do youwant to get us both fired?"

by (few years ago!)
Religious jokes

A young lad was visiting a church for the first time, checking all the announcements and posters along the walls.When he came to a group of pictures of men in uniform, he asked a nearby usher, "Who are all those men in the pictures?"The usher replied, "Why, those are our boys who died in the service".Dumbfounded, the youngster asked, "Was that the morning service or the evening service?"

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Thermos and Blonde

A blonde goes to work and sees that one of her co-workers has a thermos.

She asks him what it does and the fellow co-worker responds, 'It keeps hot things hot, and cold things cold'

The blonde was amazed and when she got home immediately went out and bought one.
The next day she goes to work and is proud that she has this wonderful object.

The same co-worker realizes she has a thermos and says, 'What do you have in it?' she says, 'Soup, and ice cream!'

by (few years ago!)
Marriage jokes

But lets get real here guys, I mean who exactly are we kidding ? Ahusband controls his wife in much the same manner as a barometercontrols the weather.

by (few years ago!)
Bar jokes beer booze and fun

A Russian walks into a bar and orders a beer. "That will be one ruble," says the bartender. "One ruble!" the customer protests, "last week it was only fifty kopeks!" "Well," replies the bartender, "its fifty kopeks for the beer and fifty kopecs for the perestroika." Reluctantly, the customer gives the bartender a ruble, and is surprised when the bartender gives him back fifty kopecs and says, "We are out of beer."

by (few years ago!)
What's the difference between a dead dog...

What's the difference between a dead dog in the road and a dead lawyer in the road?

There are skid marks in front of the dog.

by (few years ago!)
Animal jokes

Having arrived at the edge of the river, the fisherman soon realized he had forgotten to bring any bait. Just then he happened to see a little snake passing by who had caught a worm. The fisherman snatched up the snake and robbed him of his worm. Feeling sorry for the little snake with no lunch, he snatched him up again and poured a little beer down his throat. Then he went about his fishing.
An hour or so later the fisherman felt a tug at his pant leg. Looking down, he saw the same snake with three more worms in his mouth...

by (few years ago!)
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