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QUOTES FROM EMPLOYEE APPRAISAL REPORTS

Since my last report, he has reached rock bottom and has started to dig.

His men would follow him anywhere, but only out of morbid curiosity.

I would not allow this associate to breed.

Works well when under constant supervision and cornered like a rat in a trap.

When she opens her mouth, it seems that this is only to change whichever foot was previously in there.

He would be out of his depth in a puddle.

This young lady has delusions of adequacy.

She sets low personal standards and then consistently fails to achieve them.

This associate should go far - and the sooner he starts the better.

This associate is depriving a village somewhere of an idiot.

by (few years ago!) / 14835 views
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Similar Jokes

A HANDFUL OF QUICKIES

A man walks into a bar with a roll of tarmac under his arm and says Pint please and one for the road.



A dog walks into this bar, jumps up on the stool and says to the bartender, "Hey barkeep, it's my birthday today. How 'bout a free drink?"
The bartender turns, looks at the dog and nods his head, "Sure pal, toilet's right down the hall."



A guy walks into a bar, and there's a horse behind the bar serving drinks. The guy is staring at the horse, when the horse says, "Hey buddy? What are you staring at? Haven't you ever seen a horse serving drinks before?"
The guy says, "No, it's not that... it's just that I never thought the parrot would sell the place."



So a dyslexic walks into a bra . . .



A chicken walks into a bar. The bartender says "We don't serve poultry!"
The chicken says "That's OK I just want a drink."



Two cannibals walk into a bar and sit beside this clown. The first cannibal wacks the clown on the head and they both start eating the clown.
Suddenly the second cannibal looks up and says, "Hey, do you taste something funny?"

by (few years ago!)
TESTING TIMES

A man walks into a bar with a monkey he had just bought at the pet store. He sits down at the bar and orders a beer. The monkey jumps down off his shoulder and runs over to the pool table and ate the cue-ball.

The bartender says "Your monkey just ate the cue-ball! GET OUT NOW!" so the man picks up the monkey and leaves.

Two months later the same man comes back with the monkey on a leash. The monkey jumps off his shoulder and grabs a peanut, shoves it up his ass, pulls it out then eats it.

The bartender says " Did your monkey just shove a peanut up his ass then eat it?"

The man says "Yeah ever since the cue-ball incident he checks everything for size"

by (few years ago!)
Blonde jokes

What do you call a dead blonde in a closet?A. The 1995 Hide and Seek World Champion

by (few years ago!)
Question and answer animal jokes

Q: What do you get when you cross an elephant with a kangaroo?
A: Holes all over Australia.

Q: What do you get if you cross an elephant with a whale?
A: A submarine with a built-in snorkel.

Q: Why did the elephant cross the road?
A: Chicken's day off.

Q: Why do elephants have trunks?
A: Because they would look silly with glove compartments.

Q: Why do elephants drink so much?
A: To try to forget.

Q: How can you tell if an elephant is getting ready to charge?
A: He pull out his Diners' Club card.

Q: What do you get when two giraffes collide?
A: A giraffic jam.

by (few years ago!)
Dog jokes

What do you get if you cross a computer and a Rottweiller ?A computer with a lot of bites !

by (few years ago!)
Revelation 3:20

A new pastor moved into town and went out one Saturday to visit his parishioners.

All went well until he came to one house. It was obvious that someone was home, but no one came to the door even after he had knocked several times.

Finally, he took out his card and wrote on the back: Revelation 3:20 and stuck it in the door.

The next day, as he was counting the offering he found his card in the collection plate. Below his message was the notation Genesis 3:10.

Revelation 3:20 reads: "Behold I stand at the door and knock. If any man hear my voice, and opens the door, I will come in to him, and will dine with him, and he with me."

Genesis 3:10 reads: "And he said, I heard thy voice in the garden, and I was afraid, because I was naked."

by (few years ago!)
Backdoor Lawyer

An anxious 15 year old girl comes home from school.
Mum, she asks tentatively, can you get pregnant from anal sex?
Don't be silly of course you can, replies her mother, where do you think lawyers come from?

by (few years ago!)
THE OWL AND THE PUSSY CAT


The owl and the pussycat went to sea,
but the end of our story's quite sad.
The owl pushed the pussycat over the edge
`cos her gameboy was driving him mad

by (few years ago!)
Jokes And Funny Stories About Animals - 5

Two packets of crisps were walking along the road. A passing car stopped and the driver asked if they would like a lift.
"No thanks," said the crisps, "we're Walkers.

by (few years ago!)
Religious jokes

A little girl spoke to her teacher about whales. The teacher said it was physically impossible for a whale to swallow a human because even though it is a very large mammal, its throat is very small. The little girl said, "But how can that be? Jonah was swallowed by a whale." Irritated, the teacher reiterated that a whale could not swallow a human. "It is physically impossible!" she said. Undaunted, the little girl said, "Well, when I get to heaven I will ask Jonah." To this, the teacher said, "What if Jonah went to hell?"

by (few years ago!)
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