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QUOTES FROM EMPLOYEE APPRAISAL REPORTS

Since my last report, he has reached rock bottom and has started to dig.

His men would follow him anywhere, but only out of morbid curiosity.

I would not allow this associate to breed.

Works well when under constant supervision and cornered like a rat in a trap.

When she opens her mouth, it seems that this is only to change whichever foot was previously in there.

He would be out of his depth in a puddle.

This young lady has delusions of adequacy.

She sets low personal standards and then consistently fails to achieve them.

This associate should go far - and the sooner he starts the better.

This associate is depriving a village somewhere of an idiot.

by (few years ago!) / 15335 views
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Similar Jokes

kid jokes

A Sunday school teacher was discussing the Ten Commandments with her
five and six year olds. After explaining the commandment to "honor thy
father and thy mother," she asked, "Is there a commandment that teaches us how to treat our brothers and sisters?" Without missing a beat one little boy answered: "Thou shall not kill."

by (few years ago!)
SO CORNY IT HURTS!


A guy walks into a bar and approaches the barman, "Can I have a pint of Less, please?"

"I'm sorry sir," the barman replies, looking slightly puzzled, "I've not come across that one before. Is it a spirit?"

"I've no idea," replies the guy, "The thing is, I went to see my doctor last week and he told me that I should drink less.

by (few years ago!)
Computer jokes

A programmer was walking along the beach when he found a lamp. Upon rubbing the lamp a genie appeared who stated "I am the most powerful genie in the world. I can grant you any wish you want, but only one wish."The programmer pulled out a map of the Mediterranean area and said "Id like there to be a just and last peace among the people in the middle east."The genie responded, "Gee, I dont know. Those people have been fighting since the beginning of time. I can do just about anything, but this is beyond my limits."The programmer then said, "Well, I am a programmer and my programs have a lot of users. Please make all the users satisfied with my programs, and let them ask sensible changes"Genie: "Uh, let me see that map again."

by (few years ago!)
Blaming all of Americas troubles on lawyers

A group of dinner guests were blaming all of Americas troubles on lawyers when a woman said, They arent all so bad. Why, last year a lawyer gave me $1000.
I dont believe it, the host responded.

Its true, I swear it, said the woman. I had a complicated personal injury case and what with the lawyers fee, the cost of expert witnesses, the expense of the appeal and so on, my bill was $41,000. When the judgment only amounted to $40,000, my lawyer simply forgave the difference.

by (few years ago!)
lawyer jokes


A small town prosecuting attorney called his first witness to the stand in a trial, a grand-motherly, elderly woman. He approached her and asked, "Mrs. Bonner, do you know me?"

She responded, "Why, yes, I do know you Mr. Hanson. I've known you since you were a young boy. And frankly, you've been a big disappointment to me. You lie, you cheat on your wife, you manipulate people and talk about them behind their backs. You think you're a rising big shot when you haven't the brains to realize you never will amount to anything more than a two-bit paper pusher. Yes, I know you."

by (few years ago!)
Religious jokes

Who was the greatest female financier in the Bible?A. Pharaohs daughter. She went down to the bank of the Nile and drew out a little prophet.

by (few years ago!)
PRESENTS FOR TEACHER


On the last day of kindergarten, all the children brought presents for their teacher. The florist's son handed the teacher a gift. She shook it, held it up and said, "I bet I know what it is - it's some flowers!"

"That's right!" shouted the little boy.

Then the candy store owner's daughter handed the teacher a gift She held it up, shook it and said. "I bet I know what it is - it's a box of candy!"

"That's right!" shouted the little girl.

The next gift was from the liquor store owner's son. The teacher held it up and saw that it was leaking. She touched a drop with her finger and tasted it. "Is it wine?" she asked.

"No," the boy answered.

The teacher touched another drop to her tongue. "Is it champagne?" she asked.

"No," the boy answered.

Finally, the teacher said, "I give up. What is it?"

The boy replied, "A puppy!"

by (few years ago!)
THE PROFESSOR BITES BACK


Annoyed by the professor of anatomy who liked to tell "naughty" stories during class, a group of female students decided that the next time he started to tell one, they would all rise and leave the room in protest.

The professor, however, got wind of their scheme just before class the following day, so he bided his time. Then, halfway through the lecture, he began."They say there is quite a shortage of prostitutes in France."

The girls looked at one another, arose and started for the door.

"Young ladies," said the professor with a broad smile, "the next plane doesn't leave till tomorrow afternoon."

by (few years ago!)
After Great Britain's Beer Festival...

After Great Britain's Beer Festival, all the brewery presidents decided it would be fun to hit a pub in London and go out for a beer.

The first sits down and says, "Hey, Seor, I would like the world's best beer, a Corona."

The bartender dusts off a bottle from the shelf and gives it to him.

The second says, "I'd like the best beer in the world. Give me 'The King of Beers.' One Budweiser please."

The bartender gives him one.

Another guy says, "I'd like the only beer made with Rocky Mountain spring water; give me a Coors."

The bartender gives him one.

The guy from Guiness sits down as he orders a Coke. The bartender is a bit taken aback, but gives him what he ordered.

The other presidents look over at him and ask, "Why aren't you drinking a Guiness?"

The Guiness president replies, "Well, if you guys aren't drinking beer, neither will I."

by (few years ago!)
chauffeur

While the pope was visiting the USA, he told the driver of his limo that he has the sudden urge to drive. The driver was a good Catholic man, and would not ever dream of questioning the pope's authority. So the pope sat at the wheel, while his driver got in the back.
They were traveling down the road doing between 70 and 80 mph, when a policeman happened to see them. As he pulled them over, he called in to headquarters reporting a speeding limo, with a VIP inside it.

The chief asked: "Who is in the limo, the mayor?"
The policeman told him: "No, someone more important than the mayor."

Then the chief asked "Is it the governor?"
The policeman answered: "No, someone more important than the governor."

The chief finally asked: "Is it the President?"
The policeman answered: "No, someone even more important than the President."

This made the chief very angry and he bellowed: "Now who is more important than the President?!"
The policeman calmly wispered: "I'll put it to you this way chief. I don't know who is this guy, but he has the pope as his chauffeur."

by (few years ago!)
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