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Blonde jokes

What does a blonde put behind her ears to make her more attractiv A Her ankles.

by (few years ago!) / 543 views
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School jokes

Teacher : Tommy, put some more water in the fish tank !Pupil : Why, Miss, I only put some in yesterday and he hasnt drunk that yet !

by (few years ago!)
ANOTHER QUICK RIDDLE


A blond and a brunette jump off the Empire State Building. It takes the blonde 3 minutes longer to hit the ground than it does or the brunette. Why?

She had to stop to ask for directions.

by (few years ago!)
Day off of work

So you want a day off. Let's take a look at what you are asking for. There are 365 days per year available for work. There are 52 weeks per year in which you already have 2 days off per week, leaving 261 days available for work. Since you spend 16 hours each day away fron work, you have used up 170 days, leaving only 91 days available. You spend 30 minutes each day on coffee break which counts for 23 days each year, leaving only 68 days available. With a 1 hour lunch each day, you used up another 46 days, leaving only 22 days available for work. You normally spend 2 days per year on sick leave. This leaves you only 20 days per year available for work. We are off 5 holidays per year, so your available working time is down to 15 days. We generously give 14 days vacation per year which leaves only 1 day available for work and I'll be darned if you are going to take that day off!

by (few years ago!)
Sport jokes

Golfer: "Id move heaven and earth to be able to break 100 on this course."Caddy: "Try heaven. Youve already moved most of the earth."

by (few years ago!)
Business jokes

A wealthy investor walked into a bank and said to the bank manager, "I would like to speak with Mr. Reginald Jones, who I understand is a tried and trusted employee of yours."The banker said, "Yes he certainly was trusted. And he will be tried as soon as we catch him."

by (few years ago!)
Women jokes

Scientists have discovered a food that diminishes a womans sex drive by up to 90%. - Its called wedding cake.

by (few years ago!)
Lawyers does it take to stop a moving bus?

How many lawyers does it take to stop a moving bus?

Never enough.

by (few years ago!)
The President''s Puzzle

Dick Cheney walks into the Oval Office and sees The President whooping and hollering.
"What's the matter, Mr. President?" The Vice President inquired.

"Nothing at all, boss. I just done finished a jigsaw puzzle in record time!" The President beamed.

"How long did it take you?"

"Well, the box said '3 to 5 Years' but I did it in a month!"

by (few years ago!)
Bar jokes beer booze and fun

"Shhaaayyy, buddy, whats a Breathalyzer?" asked one drunk to his friend at the next barstool."Well, Id have to say that its a bag that tells you when youve drunk way too much," answered the equally wasted gent."Ah hell, whaddya know? Ive been married to one of those for years!"

by (few years ago!)
blonde jokes

The USA finally sent the first manned space mission to Mars. The spacecraft gently touched down and the astronaut descended and tested the atmosphere. Low and behold it was safe for people to breathe. He removed his space suit and exited the spacecraft. He was amazed to find himself in a lush green valley surrounded with beautiful wooded hills. He hiked for some distance and came upon a beautiful little white cottage with a lush green lawn surrounded by a white picket fence like something out of Better Homes and Gardens.

He walked up to the front door and found it open. He walked inside, looked around and hearing noises from the kitchen he went back there. WOW, to his amazement he saw the most beautiful blonde he had ever seen standing over a large pot on the stove. Inside the pot was a gooey mess that she was stirring with a large spoon. As he watched, she kept stirring and stirring.

After a couple of hours, he finally asked her what she was doing. She replied that she was having a baby. He was quite skeptical but after a couple more hours of stirring she reached down into the gooey mess and pulled out a beautiful baby girl. He told her that was really amazing but that was not the way it was done on Earth.

She replied, "How do you do it on Earth?" With a twinkle in his eyes he said, "Come on back to the bedroom and I'll show you." After an hour of the wildest sex he had ever experienced, he lay back exhausted and lit up a cigarette. She said, "Well where is the baby." He said, "Oh that takes nine months."

She replied, "Well, then why did you stop stirring?"

by (few years ago!)
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