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The Bloody Joke

Generally, I might find the following joke disgusting. But, the night I heard it, I was in a tiny bar in the middle of nowhere Pennsylvania. There is nothing to do out there but drink, or be entertained by Creeping Jesus, a local who prowls around with bird feathers in his hair (he named himself Creeping Jesus, by the way). He once tried to light himself on fire to make us laugh, but that wasn’t funny. The bartender cut him off early that night. Anyway, a couple of other locals were trying to amuse us, and this joke came about:

by (few years ago!) / 804 views
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Funny Animal Jokes

Farmer Joe decided his injuries from his recent accident were serious enough to take the trucking company responsible for the accident to court.

In court, the trucking company's fancy lawyer was questioning farmer Joe.
"Didn't you say, at the scene of the accident, that you were fine?"

"Well, I'll tell you what happened. I had just loaded my favorite mule Bessie into the--"

"I didn't ask for any details," the lawyer interrupted. "Just answer the question. Did you not say, at the scene of the accident, that you were fine?"

"Well I had just got Bessie into the trailer and was driving down the road--"

"Judge, I am trying to establish the fact that, at the scene of the accident, this man told the Highway Patrolman on the scene that he was just fine.

Now several weeks after the accident he is trying to sue my client. I believe he is a fraud. Please tell him to simply answer the question."

By this time the Judge was fairly interested in Farmer Joe's answer and told the lawyer so.

"Well," said the farmer, "as I was saying, I had just loaded Bessie, my favorite mule, into the trailer and was driving her down the highway when this huge semi-truck and trailer ran the stop sign and smacked my truck right in the side.

I was thrown into one ditch and Bessie was thrown into the other. I was hurting real bad and didn't want to move.

However, I could hear ol' Bessie moaning and groaning. I knew she was in terrible shape just by her groans.

Shortly after the accident a Highway Patrolman came on the scene. He could hear Bessie moaning and groaning so he went over to her. After he looked at her he took out his gun and shot her between the eyes.

Then the Patrolman came across the road with his gun in his hand and looked at me.

He said, "Your mule was in such bad shape I had to shoot her. How are you feeling?"

by (few years ago!)
Dog jokes

What is the difference between a barking dog and an umbrella The umbrella can be shut up.

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lawyer jokes

If one side has one, the other side has to get one.
Once launched, they cannot be recalled.
When they land, they screw up everything forever

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Religion Jokes Category

A farmer purchases an old, run-down, abandoned farm with plans to turn it into a thriving enterprise. The fields are grown over with weeds, the farmhouse is falling apart, and the fences are collapsing all around.
During his first day of work, the town preacher stops by to bless the man's work, saying, "May you and God work together to make this the farm of your dreams!"

Several months later, the preacher pays another visit to the farmer. Lo and behold, it's like a completely different place. The farm house is completely rebuilt and in excellent condition, there are plenty of cattle and other livestock happily munching on feed in well-fenced pens, and the fields are filled with crops planted in neat rows.

"Amazing!" the preacher says. "Look what God and you have accomplished together!"

"Yes, Reverend," says the farmer, 'it's quite astounding when you consider what the farm was like when God was working it alone!"

by (few years ago!)
School jokes

The brain is a wonder ful thingWhy do you say that ? Because it starts working the second you get up in the morning and never stops until you get asked a question in class !

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The Ten Commandments Of EmploymentIf it rings, put it on hold.If it clunks, call the repairman.If it whistles, ignore it.If its a friend, stop work and chat.If its the boss, look busy.If it talks, take notes.If its handwritten, type it.if its typed, copy it.If its copied, file it.If its Friday, forget it!

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Blonde jokes

How do you kill a blonde Give them a gun an say it is a blow dryer

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Dog jokes

Which dog eats with its tail All dogs keep their tails on when eating.

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A WORRIED FATHER


A Jewish father was troubled by the way his son turned out, and went to see his Rabbi about it. "I brought him up in the faith, gave him a very expensive barmitzvah, cost me a fortune to educate him. Then he tells me last week he has decided to be a Christian! Rabbi, where did I go wrong?"

"Funny you should come to me," said the Rabbi. "Like you I, too, brought my boy up in the faith, put him through University, cost me a fortune, then one day he, too, tells me he has decided to become a Christian."

"What did you do?" asked the father.

"I turned to God for the answer" replied the Rabbi.

"And what did he say?" pressed the father.

"God said, 'Funny you should come to me...'

by (few years ago!)
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